Finding Isadora(114)

I’d known we would have to have this conversation sooner or later. So I took a deep breath and plunged in. “Okay, Gabriel, how do you feel about free love?”

His eyes narrowed. “How would I feel if you slept with another man? I’d want to punch him.”

“What if you slept with another woman?”

He looked genuinely confused. “Why the hell would I do that?”

“Why wouldn’t you?” I asked softly.

“I love you.”

I knew, absolutely, that I’d never get tired of hearing him say that. Still, I gnawed my lower lip. “Grace and Jimmy Lee love each other deeply, but they both have other lovers when they feel like it.”

“Oh yeah?” He tilted his head, obviously considering the idea, then shrugged. “Well, good for them if it works for them. I’m not so civilized. I don’t want to share.”

“Me, either.”

He gripped my hands. “Then neither of us screws around. Right?”

It wasn’t couched in the most romantic language, but it was a vow that made my heart sing. “Right.” Then, still curious, I said, “What did you tell Jimmy Lee?”

“That you’re grown up and it’s none of his business how you and I resolve our issues. But I’d listen to you and respect your opinion, and we’d work things out together.”

“That sounds good. Really good.” But was it really possible for two such different people to work things out?

“How about Grace?” he asked. “How does she feel about us?”

“She thinks you’re a wonderful person,” I said slowly, “and that we shouldn’t ignore the important issues, the ones we don’t see eye to eye on.” And she was right. Though I didn’t want to spoil this magical evening, how could I blithely proceed with no thought to consequences?

Voices broke into my thoughts and I realized a couple in their thirties or early forties was approaching our table, greeting Gabriel. I shook my head to clear it, and focused on them. Gabriel made the introductions and I learned that this was Maria’s daughter from her first marriage, and her husband. I could see Maria’s strong features in the younger face, and I could also read a high level of curiosity. Gabriel didn’t enlighten her. He introduced me by name, without adding a label such as friend or girlfriend.

“We’re so pleased to meet you,” Ana said warmly, shaking my hand. “Why don’t we have dinner together so we can all get to know each other?”

I heaved a resigned internal sigh. This was probably a good thing. If I hit Gabriel with too heavy a conversation right at the beginning of our relationship, he’d probably retreat.

“We should move to a larger table,” I said, beginning to rise.

“No,” Gabriel said firmly. “Not tonight. Ana, Mike, let’s make it another time soon. Isadora and I have things we need to discuss.”

“Oh!” Ana raised a black eyebrow, then winked. “I see. Guess I’ve forgotten what it’s like to be young and in love.”

“Then it’s time I reminded you,” her fair-haired husband said, scooping an arm around her waist and tugging her away.

She sent us a wiggle-fingered wave over her shoulder.

I turned back to Gabriel. “They seem nice.”

He nodded, not speaking, his gaze intense and challenging.

“All right,” I said slowly. I reached for his hand, needing to touch him, maybe to anchor him if he wanted to run. “Gabriel, I know we’re just starting out and it’s premature to talk about this stuff, but I’m scared. I love you, and I know relationships always involve compromise, but… There are things that are really important to me.”

Yes, I loved Gabriel and was thrilled he loved me. But maybe it wasn’t enough. Relationships required compromise. What would I be willing to give up for him? What would he be willing to do for me?

He smiled, a little sadly. “This stuff used to be so easy. I’d set out my ground rules when I first started seeing someone, and she’d tell me hers. If we didn’t agree, no biggie.”

I swallowed hard. “What are your ground rules?”

He gave a rueful snort. “Used to be, all that shit about independence and not getting emotionally involved. Those rules made sense before, and I was never tempted to break them. Now, hell, I guess I’ve thrown out the rule book.” He drew in a breath, then let it out slowly. “But I bet you haven’t. What are your ground rules, Isadora Dean Wheeler?”

I was afraid to tell him. Besides, didn’t he already know?

His eyes narrowed and his hand twitched in mine. “Hell, Isadora, nobody’s dragging me down an aisle.”

“But—”

“Marriage is an absurd institution. Do you want the church or the f*cking state dictating your relationship?” He dragged his free hand through his hair. “What the hell do you think it achieves? Not happiness. Half of marriages end in divorce and that’s only when one partner has the guts to call it quits on something miserable.”

“All of that is true,” I admitted. “Grace and Jimmy Lee have been saying the same thing ever since I can remember.”

“Then why, Isadora? Why would you want to get married?”

It was an excellent question. One I’d never really asked myself. As I thought about it now, the answer came to me. “To be different from them,” I said softly. “Because I want the things marriage symbolizes. Fidelity, respect, trust, commitment. Till death us do part.” I swallowed. “I want a guarantee. But you’re right. There aren’t any.”