Fighting Solitude (On The Ropes #3)(76)

When I’d first walked into that house, I’d had zero intentions of buying it. It was nearly twice what I’d wanted to spend and about ten times bigger than I’d ever need. It was a home in every sense of the word. The kind you raised a family in. The kind Till had bought for Eliza the minute he’d had the money. The kind Flint had bought for Ash even while she had still been running away from him. The kind a bachelor like me had no business even looking at.

But, for some inexplicable reason, after I’d seen Liv’s excitement as she’d raced from one end to the other, sucking the oxygen out of each room as she’d oh’d and ah’d, I’d put in an offer the same night.

I had been confident when I’d bought the place, but now, watching her exploring the room—running her hand over the back of our old couch, which appeared miniscule in the massive space—I wasn’t so sure anymore.

“When?” she whispered.

I drew in a sharp breath. “Two years ago.”

Her confused eyes immediately lifted to mine. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I tried. Remember when we came to look at it a second time and I asked you which bedroom you’d pick?”

Her hand slapped over her mouth, and her face turned sad in understanding. “Oh, God. You’d already bought it?”

I nodded. “Yep. I’d signed the contracts not even an hour before you informed me you weren’t moving into a house with me.” I laughed at the memory. “You said it would be weird for us to continue living together…especially after I’d bought a house. Funny thing is I’ve only recently realized that ‘it’s weird’ is your go-to phrase when you freak out. If I’d known back then, I would have pushed harder.”

“It would’ve been weird.”

I crossed my arms over my chest. “Says the woman who’s still freaking out.”

She rolled her eyes and then moved to the windows at the far end of the room. “Living in an apartment together was one thing, but buying a house together. Quarry, it was too much.”

After following her to the windows, I stopped at her side but shoved my hand in my pocket to keep from looping it around her waist. “It wasn’t too much for us. It was too much for you.”

Her voice was thick with regret. “That’s probably the truth.”

An awkward silence fell between us, and I swiftly pulled my phone out and turned a playlist on. Propping it on the edge of the window, I gave her the time she needed to process it all. But I didn’t allow her to do it in silence.

Her face turned soft, and her hand caught my elbow, tugging my hand from my pocket before intertwining our fingers in unspoken gratitude.

We must have stood in front of that window for at least ten minutes. Watching her closely out of the corner of my eye, I squeezed her hand reassuringly when I felt her emotions build.

Finally, she asked the window, “Why didn’t you leave? You bought this gorgeous house but spent the last two years in a cheap two-bedroom apartment.”

“You,” I told the same window.

She shook her head and dropped her chin to her chest. “That’s insane.”

It wasn’t. Not knowing what I knew now. I might not have been fighting the need to strip Liv naked all those years ago, but I’d loved her all the same. And living without her hadn’t been an option.

I cleared my throat and sighed. “I couldn’t sleep that night. As na?ve as it sounds, I’d never actually stopped to consider the possibility that you wouldn’t move with me when we started house shopping. You were—are—a huge part of my life. I was still in a bad place back then, and I wasn’t sure I could do it on my own.”

She swung her head to look at me, but I squeezed her hand and kept talking to the window.

“I paced the hall all night long, eventually waking you up to bullshit about something. I can’t even remember what it was, probably boxing or something equally as stupid to be discussing at two a.m. But, as usual, you gave me a grand pep talk and sent me to my room feeling better than ever.” I paused to look at her. “After that, I decided to move. You made me realize that, whether you came with me or not, you would always be there for me. Only a phone call away, right?” I smiled painfully.

Liv didn’t respond, but she tugged her fingers from mine and sidled closer until her front was pressed into my side. I soothed a hand up her back and sifted it into her long, brown hair.

Kissing the top of her head, I murmured, “I woke up three hours later to find you in my bed.”

Her shoulders jerked. “I…” She rocked back a step, but I tightened my grip in her hair and refused her the space.

“It’s okay. I’ve known for years. And, if you want to know my secret, I used to pray every night that I’d find you there. It was the only time I really slept.”

She buried her face in my chest and mumbled something I couldn’t make out, but I didn’t ask for clarification.

“That’s when I decided I couldn’t leave you. I still have no idea what comfort I offered you by just being there in the middle of the night, but after everything you had done for me, I knew I’d never take that away from you.”

With a gentle tug, I tipped her head back and forced her gaze to mine. Her eyes searched my face nervously, looking anywhere but at my eyes.