Fighting Redemption(57)

“It’s too late for that,” she told him.

The anger had taken hold of her the moment she saw the bruises marking his body when he was young. How could someone hurt the very person they were supposed to protect?

“It’s all in the past, Fin.”

“It’s not. It doesn’t matter what you’ve seen and done in your life, Ryan, because everywhere you’ve gone, your past has followed you. You haven’t let it go because it’s still here, wedged between us. You’re still trying to escape it, and I hate that after everything you’re still letting it hurt you.”

Ryan squeezed her hand in his. “Remember the night not long after you turned sixteen and your father said you couldn’t date?”

Fin nodded, remembering the feeling of calm that settled over her when her dad laid down the law. She’d only wanted Ryan and it had been the perfect excuse to use every time a boy asked her out.

“I was so relieved. I didn’t want anyone to have you. Even before then I thought of you as mine. It was that night, when I followed you outside, that I realised you knew about my father. I didn’t want you to know. I didn’t want you to see me that way—as someone weak and helpless, someone to be pitied.”

“Ryan.” She frowned. “I would never think—”

“Who was it that told you? Was it Jake or was it Mike and Julie?”

Her mouth fell open. “Mum and Dad knew?” Fury rose swiftly inside her, warring with the confusion. “Why didn’t they do anything?” she cried out.

“Don’t be angry with them. They tried, believe me, they really did, but …” he trailed off, his brows drawn.

“But what?”

Ryan sighed deeply. “We argued. It ended with me telling them I’d run away if they said anything. I was young and desperate, and they were scared of what would happen to me if I ended up on the streets. At least this way they could make sure I was okay—that they were there if I needed them.”

Fin shook her head. “Why would you do that—not let them help you? I don’t understand.”

Ryan rubbed a hand over his jaw. “You don’t need to understand, Fin.”

“Why can’t you tell me why you put yourself through it? You could have had a better life somewhere else, you …”

Oh God. Somewhere else. Away from her. If he went into the system it was possible she might never have seen him again. Her chest started rising and falling a little harder.

“Look at me, Ryan.” Ryan looked up and the pleading she saw in his eyes had her heart pounding so hard she thought she was going to be sick.

“Oh no,” she whispered, denial flooding her hard. “No, no, no. No!” she shrieked, scrambling for the door handle, desperate to escape what she saw in his eyes. He stayed for her.

“Fin!”

He made a grab for her, but the car door was open and she was already running. Her feet pounded hard and fast along the road, panic careening wildly through her system as the night air washed over her face.

“Fin!” Ryan yelled.

Fin ignored him, focusing on outrunning the pain that was weighing heavily in her gut. Her arm was seized in an unbreakable grip, Ryan yanking at her bicep until she was forced to a stop. “Let me go!”

“I’m sorry,” he said, breathless. He wrapped his arms around her, and when her legs gave out, they sank to the ground on the side of the road.

Fin buried her face in his chest, her fingers curling into his shirt. “Why would you do that?”

“I couldn’t leave you. Not then. If Mike and Julie spoke up, I’d have lost you, and you were the only thing in my life that kept me going.” He rubbed her back as she cried, the tears tasting salty and bitter on her lips. “Breathe, baby.”

She inhaled his warm, male scent deep into her lungs. “Every time he hit you, every time he made you bleed, you let him because of me.”

“Oh God,” he moaned into her hair. “Don’t. You don’t understand. I told Kassidy to kick that ball. I was the one that was supposed to be looking out for her. I let him hurt me because that was my punishment for her dying. I was supposed to be her brother, and I let her down. Then you were there, so bright and happy just like she was, and I couldn’t let you go.”

“But you did. Eventually you let me go and you didn’t look back.”

His arms tightened around her. “Because I grew up and realised that someone as smart as you, with a heart as deep and as wide as the ocean, deserved someone who wasn’t broken to love you. I’m still broken, Fin, and I don’t know if that will ever change.”

Why couldn’t he see how worthy he was? Fin pulled away and looked at him. His eyes were dull and tired, filled with so much regret. I wasn’t enough for him. She shuddered as a chill swept through her veins. “I love you, Ryan,” she whispered, desperation edging her voice.

“I love you too,” he replied hoarsely.

Ryan kissed her. His lips were warm, his mouth hot. She could feel his heart hammering in his chest as she pressed against him. When headlights from a car flashed in the distance, she realised it was dark, and they were sitting in the gutter.

Ryan stood, bringing her with him. He brushed his hand down her dress, removing bits of dirt and grass that clung to her clothes. Even now, after everything he’d been through, he was still taking care of her, putting her above everything else—even himself. “Stop.”