Fighting Redemption(17)

Ryan closed his eyes, agony for losing what was never his rose in his chest until he felt strangled by it. He placed his hand over hers, holding it there until she tugged it away.

“You’re right,” Fin told him. “You should stay on the barracks … but I don’t want you to. Damn you, Ryan,” she whispered fiercely. “I don’t want you to.”

Ryan used his bulk to crowd her against the wall until there was no room for her to move. Leaning one hand against the wall, he grabbed her hip with the other. Her breathing rose rapidly and he leaned in, ducking his head until their mouths hovered a mere breath apart.

“Why can’t I force myself to leave?” He rested his forehead against hers and closed his eyes. “I hurt too. For six years I fought every day not to think of you, and I lost, because every day you were all I could see. You were the best thing in my life—so sweet and innocent, and so goddamn tempting.” His hand strayed from her hip and slid down to grip her ass. He swallowed the groan. “I stayed away so you could move on.”

Fin reached up and planted both hands on his chest, shoving him away. Ryan took a step back, his hands falling to his sides.

“So let me. Nothing’s changed for us. I’m leaving in two weeks, you’re going back to Afghanistan, and Ian …”

His jaw clenched but he nodded, angry at himself for thinking that staying here had ever been a good idea. “Christ, Fin. I f*cked up by coming here, didn’t I?”

Tears filled her eyes. “Just … don’t go, okay? Stay. Jake wouldn’t understand you moving to the barracks.”

“I’ll let you get back to your work,” Ryan muttered. “I’ll be back later for dinner.”





Later that night Fin dressed up a little—wearing her pretty, cream dress with the lace bodice and flirty skirt—because it was Jake and Ryan’s welcome home dinner. I’m not dressing up for Ryan, she told herself. Mum would expect everyone to make an effort, that’s all.

Irritated, Fin stood in front of the bathroom mirror, fussing at her hair. She was trying to tame the tousled mess into some kind of updo, but it wasn’t happening.

“Dammit,” she muttered. Why couldn’t she ever manage anything more complicated than a ponytail? She shoved the useless hairpins back in the drawer and snapped it shut angrily, leaving her hair to tumble wildly down her back.

Sitting down on the edge of the bath, she took a deep breath and sighed. Her anger levels had been high today—anger at Ian for pressuring her, anger at the timing of her expedition, anger at Ryan for being everything she wanted and couldn’t have, and anger at herself because she couldn’t move on.

Why did life have to be so complicated?

“Fin!” A fist rapped smartly on the bathroom door. “Hurry up. We’re already late.”

“You guys go on ahead,” she called out to Jake, standing up and smoothing a hand down her dress. She picked up her earrings and started putting them on. “Ian’s picking me up anyway, so I’ll just meet you there.”

There was a pause. “Are you sure?”

Fin felt a rush of love for Jake at hearing the concern in his voice. How did she ever get so lucky to have a brother like him? It only made the loss all the greater when he left along with Ryan.

“Positive,” she told him and rubbed her lips together, checking her lipstick.

“Okay, honey. See you there then.”

The front door opened and closed and after a moment, she left the bathroom and slipped her shoes on. Her phone buzzed a message that told her Ian was five minutes away. Crookshanks head-butted her leg as she poured him out some biscuits. She gave his water bowl a quick clean and refill, and after a quick scratch behind his ear, she grabbed her bag and keys, locking the door behind her, and walked down the little paved pathway at the front of her house to wait.

He drove down her street a minute later, his Subaru growling angrily as he down-shifted gears and pulled to the kerb.

She slid inside the car.

“Seatbelt,” he muttered before she even had a chance to put her bag down.

Determined to turn her crappy day around, Fin swallowed her irritation and smiled at Ian. “You look nice,” she told him as she clicked the belt into place, because he did. The light grey pants were smart, and his pale blue shirt matched his eyes.

“Thanks.” He gave her a quick once over before gunning the engine and accelerating down the street. “Been shopping with Rachael again? That looks new.”

“It is and I don’t know why I bothered. It’s hardly something I’ll be able to wear in Antarctica.”

His jaw clenched at the mention of her upcoming expedition, and she sighed audibly.

Ian glanced across at her before checking his mirrors and changing lanes. “What?”

“Nothing.”

He changed gears and looked at her again. “No, it’s not nothing. Why do women always say that,” he muttered irritably.

Facing her window, Fin closed her eyes and counted to ten. “I’m just tired, Ian. That’s all,” she lied.





They were all seated at the dining table when Fin and Ian walked in—Mike and Julie, Jake’s Uncle David and Aunt Emily, and their cousins Heath and Laura. Jake sat to Ryan’s left and Rachael across from him, next to the two empty seats for Fin and Ian.