Fighting Redemption(16)

“Hard to adjust to normal life,” he expanded. “What we’ve seen and done is so far beyond normal that it’s like being home isn’t my life anymore.”

“What have you seen?”

Jake exhaled loudly. “Children—so many of them—hungry, missing limbs, dirty, and begging in the village streets. We’ve trekked through mountains for days on end and miles of dust. We’ve watched people die.” He looked at her. “I’ve killed people, Fin,” he told her thickly, “and then you come home and everyone is going about their everyday lives—shopping and working, being impatient or unkind, and I want to shout at them all to wake up and see how lucky they are.”

Blinded by tears, Fin reached out and took his hand. “I love you, Jake.”

He squeezed it. “Love you too, Fin.”

“Tell me something good.”

So he did, his voice deep and soothing. Her eyelids felt heavy and over an hour later Jake was nudging her awake.

“Shit,” she muttered.

“What?” Jake asked as they shuffled tiredly towards to their respective rooms.

“Nothing.”

“Is it Ian?” They paused outside her bedroom door. “What’s going on with the two of you?” he asked quietly.

Fin rubbed her brow. “I don’t know what’s going on.”

“Do I need to punch him?”

“No!”

Jake wrapped his hand around the back of her neck and pulled her towards him, planting a kiss on her forehead. “Just say the word.”

He drew back and she arched a brow at him. “Violence isn’t the answer.”

Jake frowned, pressing his lips together for a moment. “Sometimes it’s the only thing that gets through.”





Ryan swung his legs over the bed in the early morning and planted his feet on the floor. Sliding on shorts, a loose sleeveless shirt, and his running shoes, he yawned, scratching the back of his head as he made his way to the kitchen.

Jake was already there filling a bottle of water. “Made it out of bed, huh?”

A noise came from behind them before he could reply. They both turned. Ian was there in uniform, gun belt slung around his waist.

Fuck. How could he have forgotten about Ian? Ryan wondered if he was still a nice guy because that urge to pound him into the ground hadn’t dulled. In fact, the way Ian spoke to Fin in his room last night had Ryan grinding his teeth in irritation.

Jake, usually outgoing with a smile for anyone, gave him a short nod and said coolly, “Ian.”

Ian patted his pockets before spying his keys on the breakfast table. “Morning guys,” he replied, picking them up and jingling them in his hands. “Good to see you back.”

Jake screwed the cap back on his drink. “Good to be back.”

Ian nodded over his shoulder towards the front door. “Gotta get to work. Might see you guys tonight? Fin mentioned something about a family dinner.”

After the door shut behind Ian, Jake looked at Ryan, his expression flat.

“Nice guy,” Ryan commented, thinking anything but.

“You think so too, huh?” Jake replied.

Later that morning after their workout and shower, Jake fell asleep on the couch. Feeling at a loss with nothing but time on his hands, Ryan wandered down the hall towards Fin’s room. She was sitting at a little study nook in the corner, laptop open with one foot resting on her chair. She was wearing a tank top and a little pair of shorts. Leaning up against the doorframe, he couldn’t tear his eyes away from those long, delectable legs.

As though sensing his presence, she turned in her chair. He forced his eyes upwards, catching a sexy flush fill her cheeks at his blatant perusal.

“Morning, Ryan.” She took off her black framed reading glasses and tossed them on the desk.

“Morning, Fin,” he replied.

Against his better judgement, Ryan pushed away from the door and walked farther into the room. Fin hadn’t changed at all and neither had his desire for her. His heart kicked over when she met his eyes. He knew everything he was feeling right now was written all over him, but he couldn’t seem to shut it off.

Her eyelids fluttered closed and she whispered, “Why now?”

Ryan took a deep breath. “I don’t know,” he replied honestly.

He shouldn’t still be feeling this way after so many years. Why was he doing this to her, and to himself? It was better for everyone if he stayed away like he was supposed to.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come. I’ll go stay at the barracks.” He turned to leave.

“Ryan!” she called out. Scrambling out of the chair, she grabbed his arm as he was halfway out the door.

“Fin,” he warned, looking down at her hand pointedly.

She took a step closer and he breathed her in, her scent like jasmine on a hot summer’s day. He was surprised when he looked into her eyes and saw anger burning hotly in their depths.

“Six years, Ryan. Do you know how hurt I was, each day passing by and getting nothing—not even a note or an email? I didn’t just lose you. I lost my brother too. Both of you left me, and I was okay with that. I understood that this was what you needed to do, so I moved on. I built a life that doesn’t include you. That was what I had to do.” She paused and raised a shaky hand to cup his cheek. “I’d have given you my entire heart if you’d only asked, but it’s not yours now. It’s not yours.”