Fight to the Finish (First to Fight #3)(54)

“Let me at the *. One time, Kara. One time.”

The fury burned in him; she could feel it vibrating in his chest. She sat back and watched him a moment, then cupped his cheek. “I can’t go to Texas with you. I can’t take Zach out of state. It’s part of the agreement. Neither of us can take him out of state without the other’s written consent. And basically, that means me. Not him. Because he’s never got him.”

“How can he get away without seeing his own kid?”

Kara shrugged. “Not showing up for his scheduled visitation, mostly. He knows I’m never going to argue, and if I do, he’ll threaten court again. He has money, I don’t. I need it to survive. I can make it on my own, but it would require a third job, or moving into a tiny apartment.” She wanted to choke down the tears, so she reached for anger instead. “Any idea how expensive allergy-friendly food is? How expensive it is to buy another EpiPen so he’s got one wherever he goes? I can’t do these things alone.”

“Okay,” he said slowly. “Your ex is an *, who uses child support like a leash, and tugs whenever he wants to. You can’t leave the state with Zach. But what does that have to do with a future for us?”

“Graham.” She sighed, then brought her legs up, wrapped her arms around her shins and let her forehead fall to her knees. “You’re in the military. How much longer are you going to be here, in Jacksonville?”

“I don’t know, maybe another year or so. Needs of the Corps, and all that. Oh.” As if the truth just hit him in the face, he stopped.

The clock from the family room ticked incessantly in the dead quiet, marking the awkwardly passing seconds. She wondered for a moment if Zach had gone to sleep, if he was waiting for her to tuck him in. If he was listening at the door. She’d done her best to never breathe a negative word about his father, or her parents, in his presence. Easy enough, as they never were involved in their lives. But now, it was all being churned to the surface.

“Makes sense now, doesn’t it?”

“But that’s only until he’s eighteen, right?” She nodded. “Not forever.”

“Sure, not forever. And would you like to have a long-distance relationship for that long? What about when you want to get married? Have kids? You want the family you create to deliberately be across the country?”

“I could get out. The military isn’t permanent. I could start a civilian life here.”

“And I would wonder forever, if you gave up something better because I had no other options. If my past life ruined your potential future. Plus, even that’s not a guarantee. What if you can’t find a position around here? What if you find a job you like, and they want to transfer you to another firm elsewhere? What if you get an amazing opportunity and it’s in Maine, or Colorado?”

His fists balled, but he said nothing.

“Putting your life on hold for eight years is insanity, when you don’t have to. My life is Zach, so nothing is on hold. It’s unfair of me to expect that from you. So, I don’t. There’s no future.”

He started to speak, but she leaned forward and pressed two fingers to his lips.

“I don’t want to hurt you. I . . . I really enjoy spending time with you. You’re the best man I’ve known . . . outside of Frank Cook. But I can’t have him. Mary would kill me.”

That made his eyes smile a little, and he pressed a kiss to those two fingers before leaning in to drop his forehead to hers.

“I get it.”

Her heart sank, which was completely unreasonable. She’d just told the man there was no future for them. He was taking her at her word. She had no right to be upset.

“And I understand why you wanted to protect me, and yourself, and probably Zach, too, from getting too far into the idea of tomorrow. But, Kara . . .” He kissed her then, taking her by surprise. His lips captured hers, tongue invading to mingle around hers, hands palming her head to keep her where he wanted her. “Kara,” he said again, pulling back with obvious reluctance. “I can’t let that go.”

Oh God. It was up to her to do it. “Then we have to stop now.”

“No.”

No? Kara blinked. “You can’t block me breaking up with you. That’s not how this works.”

“It is, when the reason for breaking up is bullshit. I’m not asking you to marry me tomorrow.”

Her heart sank again. Traitorous organ.

“I’m asking you to take it a day at a time. There might be other ways. I’m here now, and you’re here now, and that’s all we need . . . for now. One day at a time.”

She’d used up all her strength for the night arguing. She shook her head sadly, but he seemed to only take that as resignation, not a denial. Pulling her against him, he settled them back against the headboard.

“Now, you could always ask me to stay the night. But I won’t, because I’m a gentleman and I know you’d only be doing it because you’re too exhausted to walk me to the door and kick me out. I’ll do it for you. But promise me one thing.”

When she lifted one shoulder and let it fall again, he understood she was too wiped out to talk anymore.

“Call your lawyer in the morning and put me on the approved list for access to your files, and so she can discuss the case with me. She wouldn’t do it otherwise. Then I can give you a hand. Can you do that for me?”