Fifty Shades of Grey(187)

From: Christian Grey

Subject: Finally!

Date: May 31 2011 07:30

To: Anastasia Steele

Anastasia

I am annoyed that as soon as you put some distance between us, you communicate openly and honestly with me. Why can't you do that when we're together?

Yes, I'm rich. Get used to it. Why shouldn't I spend money on youWe've told your father I'm your boyfriend, for heaven's sake. Isn't that what boyfriends doAs your Dom, I would expect you to accept whatever I spend on you with no argument. Incidentally, tell your mother too.

I don't know how to answer your comment about feeling like a whore. I know that's not what you've written, but it's what you imply. I don't know what I can say or do to eradicate these feelings. I'd like you to have the best of everything. I work exceptionally hard, so I can spend my money as I see fit. I could buy you your heart's desire, Anastasia, and I want to. Call it redistribution of wealth if you will. Or simply know that I would not, could not ever think of you in the way you described, and I'm angry that's how you perceive yourself. For such a bright, witty, beautiful young woman you have some real self-esteem issues, and I have a half a mind to make an appointment for you with Dr. Flynn.

I apologize for frightening you. I find the thought of instilling fear in you abhorrent. Do you really think I'd let you travel in the holdI offered you my private jet for heaven's sake. Yes it was a joke, a poor one obviously. However, the fact is - the thought of you bound and gagged turns me on (this is not a joke - it's true). I can lose the crate - crates do nothing for me. I know you have issues with gagging, we've talked about that and if/

when I do gag you, we'll discuss it. What I think you fail to realize is that in Dom/sub relationships it is the sub that has all the power. That's you. I'll repeat this - you are the one with all the power. Not I. In the boathouse you said no. I can't touch you if you say no - that's why we have an agreement - what you will and won't do. If we try things and you don't like them, we can revise the agreement. It's up to you - not me. And if you don't want to be bound and gagged in a crate, then it won't happen.

I want to share my lifestyle with you. I have never wanted anything so much. Frankly I'm in awe of you, that one so innocent would be willing to try. That says more to me than you could ever know. You fail to see I am caught in your spell, too, even though I have told you this countless times. I don't want to lose you. I am nervous that you've flown three thousand miles to get away from me for a few days, because you can't think clearly around me. It's the same for me Anastasia. My reason vanishes when we're together -

that's the depth of my feeling for you.

I understand your trepidation. I did try to stay away from you; I knew you were inexperienced, though I would never have pursued you if I had known exactly how innocent you were - and yet you still manage to disarm me completely in a way that nobody has before. Your email for example: I have read and re-read it countless times trying to understand your point of view. Three months is an arbitrary amount of time. We could make it six months, a yearHow long do you want it to beWhat would make you comfortable?

Tell me.

I understand that this is a huge leap of faith for you. I have to earn your trust, but by the same token, you have to communicate with me when I am failing to do this. You seem so strong and self-contained, and then I read what you've written here, and I see another side to you. We have to guide each other Anastasia, and I can only take my cues from you. You have to be honest with me, and we have to both find a way to make this arrangement work.