Fifty Shades of Grey(185)

You were right when you said I didn't have a submissive bone in my body... and I agree with you now. Having said that, I want to be with you, and if that's what I have to do, I would like to try, but I think I'll suck at it and end up black and blue - and I don't relish that idea at all.

I am so happy that you have said that you will try more. I just need to think about what

'more' means to me, and that's one of the reasons why I wanted some distance. You dazzle me so much I find it very difficult to think clearly when we're together.

They are calling my flight. I have to go.

More later

Your Ana

I press send and make my way sleepily to the departure gate to board a different plane.

This one has only six seats in first class, and once we are in the air, I curl up under my soft blanket and fall asleep.

All too soon, I'm woken by the flight attendant offering me more orange juice as we begin our approach to Savannah International. I sip slowly, beyond fatigued, and I allow myself to feel a modicum of excitement. I'm going to see my mother for the first time in six months. Sneaking another covert look at my BlackBerry, I remember vaguely that I sent a long rambling email to Christian - but there's nothing in response. It's five in the morning in Seattle - hopefully he's still asleep and not up playing mournful laments on his piano.

The beauty of carry-on rucksacks is that one can breeze out of the airport and not wait endlessly for baggage at the carousels. The beauty of traveling first class is that they let you off the plane first.

My mom is waiting with Bob, and it is so good to see them. I don't know if it's because of exhaustion, the long journey, or the whole Christian situation, but as soon as I'm in my mother's arms, I burst into tears.

"Oh Ana, honey. You must be so tired." She glances anxiously at Bob.

"No Mom, it's just - I'm so pleased to see you." I hug her tightly.

She feels so good and welcoming and home. Reluctantly, I relinquish her, and Bob gives me an awkward one-armed hug. He seems unsteady on his feet, and I remember that he's hurt his leg.

"Welcome back, Ana. Why you cryin'?" he asks.

"Aw, Bob, I'm just pleased to see you too." I stare up into his handsome square-jawed face, and his twinkling blue eyes that gaze at me fondly. I like this husband, Mom. You can keep him. He takes my backpack.

"Jeez, Ana, what have you got in here?"

That will be the Mac, and they both put their arms around me as we head for the parking lot.

I always forget how unbearably hot it is in Savannah. Leaving the cool air-conditioned confines of the arrival terminal, we step into the Georgia heat like we're wearing it. Whoa!

It saps everything. I have to struggle out of Mom and Bob's embrace so I can remove my hoodie. I am so glad I packed shorts. I miss the dry heat of Vegas sometimes, where I lived with Mom and Bob when I was seventeen, but this wet heat, even at 8:30 in the morning, takes some getting used to. By the time I'm in the back of Bob's wonderfully air-conditioned Tahoe SUV, I feel limp, and my hair has started a frizzy protest at the heat.

In the back of the SUV I quickly text Ray, Kate, and Christian:

*Arrived Safely in Savannah. A :)*

My thoughts stray briefly to Jose as I press send, and through the fog of my fatigue, I remember that it's his show next week. Should I invite Christian knowing how he feels about JoseWill Christian still want to see me after that emailI shudder at the thought, and then put it out of my mind. I'll deal with that later. Right now I am going to enjoy my mom's company.

"Honey, you must be tired. Would you like to sleep when we get home?"