Fifty Shades Darker(133)

"I don't want to lose you, Christian."

"I'm not yours to lose, Elena," he snaps again.

"That's not what I meant."

"What did you mean?" He's brusque, angry.

"Look, I don't want to argue with you. Your friendship means a lot to me. I'll back off from Anastasia. But I'm here if you need me. I always will be."

"Anastasia thinks that you saw me last Saturday. You called, that's all. Why did you tell her otherwise?"

"I wanted her to know how upset you were when she left. I don't want her to hurt you."

"She knows. I've told her. Stop interfering. Honestly, you're like a mother hen." Christian sounds more resigned, and Elena laughs, but there's a sad tone to her laugh.

"I know. I'm sorry. You know I care about you. I never thought you'd end up falling in love, Christian. It's very gratifying to see. But I couldn't bear it if she hurt you."

"I'll take my chances," he says dryly. "Now are you sure you don't want Welch to sniff around?"

She sighs heavily. "I suppose it wouldn't do any harm."

"Okay. I'll call him in the morning."

I listen to them bickering, trying to figure this out. They do sound like old friends, as Christian says. Just friends. And she cares about him - maybe too much. Well, who wouldn't, if they knew him?

"Thank you, Christian. And I am sorry. I didn't mean to intrude. I'll go. Next time I'll call.""Good."

She's going! Shit! I scamper up the hallway to Christian's bedroom and sit down on the bed. Christian enters a few moments later.

"She's gone," he says warily, gauging my reaction.

I gaze up at him, trying to frame my question. "Will you tell me all about her? I am trying to understand why you think she helped you." I pause, thinking carefully about my next sentence. "I loathe her, Christian. I think she did you untold damage. You have no friends.

Did she keep them away from you?"

He sighs and runs his hand through his hair.

"Why the f*ck do you want to know about her? We had a very long-standing affair, she beat the shit out of me often, and I f*cked her in all sorts of ways you can't even imagine, end of story."

I pale. Shit, he's angry - with me. I blink at him. "Why are you so angry?"

"Because all of that shit is over!" he shouts, glowering at me. He sighs in exasperation and shakes his head.

I blanch. Shit. I look down at my hands, knotted in my lap. I just want to understand.

He sits down beside me. "What do you want to know?" he asks wearily.

"You don't have to tell me. I don't mean to intrude."

"Anastasia, it's not that. I don't like talking about this shit. I've lived in a bubble for years with nothing affecting me and not having to justify myself to anyone. She's always been there as a confidante. And now my past and my future are colliding in a way I never thought possible."

I glance at him and he's staring at me, his eyes wide.

"I never thought I had a future with anyone, Anastasia. You give me hope and have me thinking about all sorts of possibilities." He drifts off.

"I was listening," I whisper and stare back down at my hands.

"What? To our conversation?"

"Yes."

"Well?" He sounds resigned.

"She cares for you."

"Yes, she does. And I for her in my own way, but it doesn't come close to how I feel about you. If that's what this is about."