Fauxmance (Showmance #2)(89)

“I haven’t worked in months.” Julian’s confession shocked me out of my thoughts.

I stared at him, taken aback. “You haven’t?”

He shook his head. “It’s been a struggle.”

“But why?”

He shifted in place, his face contemplative as he appeared to decide how best to explain. “Since you, being intimate with other women has not been easy. In fact, I haven’t felt the urge to be with anyone, and that’s quite atypical for me. Typically, once I finish a relationship, I move on to the next. But even when we were still…” he paused to gesture between us. “You know, my relationship with clients had started to decline. You were all I could think about.”

I frowned, feeling frustrated. “Why are you telling me all this?”

“You said you wanted honesty.”

“Yes, but—” I made an aggravated hand gesture. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to say. I don’t know what you want from me.”

“You don’t have to say anything, Ellen, not if you don’t want to. And all I want from you is—”

My phone chimed and I frowned in frustration. Just finish the sentence, Julian, please, because I’m not brave enough to finish it for you.

My eyes flickered back and forth between his when it chimed again. He arched an eyebrow. “Do you want to check that?”

I pulled out my phone and found two texts from Daniel.

Daniel: So, dinner? I can make a reservation somewhere nice. xxx

Daniel: There’s a table free at Celeste, but I need to give them an answer asap.

When I looked up, Julian was reading the message over my shoulder. I slid my phone back in my bag. “It’s not very polite to read other people’s messages, you know.”

Julian didn’t beat around the bush, ignoring my statement when he asked, “Are you seeing Daniel?”

“That’s none of your business.”

“I know that, but I would still like to know if you are.”

There was a flash of jealousy in his eyes. I scratched my neck, feeling like I might be coming out in a rash. “No, we aren’t seeing each other. But he’s started making…”

“Advances?”

I exhaled. “Yes, and I’m not sure how to respond. He’s my agent. We have a professional relationship.”

Julian’s attention went from eyes to my lips and then back again. “Would you like to date him?”

My stomach twisted. “No?”

He gave a soft, affectionate chuckle, but there was sadness behind it. “You don’t sound too sure about that.”

“I’m just confused.”

He reached out and touched my knee, his hand firm. I could feel his warmth even through my tights. “Don’t let the pressure get to you. Do what you want to do, Ellen.”

After all these months, the feel of his hand on me, even in such a small way, was drugging. I didn’t want to go out to dinner with Daniel, not when I was stuck in a car with Julian and he kept staring at me with those heart-breaking eyes of his.

I swallowed tightly. “I guess I’m still trying to figure that out.”

Julian nodded and looked away, his face a picture of thoughtfulness. I cleared my throat, needing to change the subject.

“So, how does it feel to see Alicia again?”

I suspected he knew what I was up to when his eyebrow ticked ever so slightly upward. “It’s always nice to see an old friend.”

“Don’t you mean old flame?” I nudged him with my shoulder, trying to lighten the mood but it sort of fell flat.

“What we had happened almost three years ago. Now I merely see her as a friend.”

“She’s so beautiful.”

His lips twitched, a little of his sparkle returning. Did it please him to imagine I was jealous? Well, I was. Anyone would be, knowing the man they loved had once been with a Hollywood actress, renowned all over the world for her beauty.

The man I loved.

The thought was sobering, but it wasn’t something I could ignore. If it weren’t for the fact that he’d ended things, I might’ve been brave enough to take a chance. Confess how I felt right here and now. But he had been the one, and though he confessed to not being intimate with anyone else in months, I still wasn’t one hundred percent clear where we stood. There was a niggling sense of doubt in the back of my mind.

What if he got cold feet again?

What if he just upped and decided he couldn’t be with me a second time?

Julian’s attention wandered over me once more and I shivered. “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, Ellen.”

I sucked in a breath and looked away. My phone rang with a call from Nick. I really was popular this evening. Turning away from Julian, I picked it up immediately.

“Hi, Nick, how are you?”

“Ellen,” he said, sounding glum and I instantly knew why he was calling. My heart thudded. These past few months, I’d been waiting for this call. Waiting for the time when my dad would finally summon up the courage to tell my brothers the truth about what happened to Mum.

“Dad told you,” I whispered.

He sounded like he’d been crying. And knowing my jolly, life and soul of the party brother had been crying made my stomach ache. I’d had months to come to terms with this, to accept what happened. For Nick, it was all fresh.