Fauxmance (Showmance #2)(56)

Turning to face me, he took the last drag then flicked the butt out the window.

“I don’t, not normally. Funnily, it’s the one thing I never became addicted to.”

“Is it a post-coital ritual?”

His mouth twitched. “Something like that. Although, technically we didn’t have “coitus” yet.”

I laughed and flopped back into the pillows. “Don’t call it coitus, you weirdo.”

“Hey, when you’re as experienced I am, you have to come up with new words for sex. Keeps things interesting.”

He came and hopped on the bed, holding himself up on an elbow as he gazed down at me, those eyes of his sparkling with energy. Julian was so alive, and he made you feel alive right along with him.

“How do you feel?”

I remembered what we did before I fell asleep and self-consciousness kicked in. “Fine. A little tired.”

He feigned a sad face. “What? You aren’t a changed woman? I’ve been told my style of cunnilingus has miraculous transformative qualities.”

I chuckled at that. “Okay. You’re right. I’ll never be the same. You’ve changed me, Julian Fairchild.”

He gave a devilish look. “Have I corrupted you though? Because that’s my main goal.”

“I’m definitely a little corrupted.”

He flopped back and threw his hands above his head. “Another successful evening then.”

We lay in quiet for a few minutes. I thought on what he said, about cigarettes being the one thing he hadn’t become addicted to. Did that mean he used to do drugs?

I turned over to face him and ran my fingers across his chest. He closed his eyes and made a masculine noise of satisfaction, seeming to enjoy it.

“Julian?”

“Hmmm?”

“What drugs were you addicted to?”

For a second, he almost appeared to stop breathing. Then he exhaled slowly and opened his eyes. “I might’ve been with a lot of women in my time, but heroin was my greatest love affair and the hardest to let go of.”

I was taken aback. I’d never met anyone who used heroin before. When I thought of those people, I saw skinny, unwashed, gaunt faces, dark circles under the eyes. I couldn’t picture Julian like that. He was too vibrant.

“What age were you?”

He stared at the ceiling. “Seventeen when I started using. Twenty-one when Rose locked me in my room and forced me to go cold turkey. After that, there was a long period of rehabilitation.”

I studied his profile, so peaceful looking. His life must’ve been pretty tumultuous once upon a time. “Why did you start?” I whispered.

He didn’t answer right away, and I got the sense he wasn’t too keen to talk about it. Still, he replied eventually. “When Rose and I met, after our mothers became polyamorous, believe it or not, that was the better part of my childhood.”

“It was?”

His throat bobbed as he swallowed. “Before that, Mum had a lot of different boyfriends. I didn’t know it back then, but I would one day inherit her promiscuity, though I’m far more selective who I sleep with nowadays. Mum was never selective. Several of her boyfriends were abusive. They’d beat her up then move on to me. Unsurprisingly, I became a troubled child, and predators have a way of seeing victims coming. The year she was with Charlie was the worst of my life. His abuse wasn’t physical but sexual. I was only twelve years old.”

He spoke in a flat voice, devoid of emotion, like the past he recalled didn’t happen to him but to a stranger. He went quiet and my heart thrummed in my chest. His story was shocking, but I was also upset and angry for him. No kid should have to go through something like that.

“I had a hole in me for a long time. When I found heroin, it was a way to fill it up.”

I didn’t realise I had tears in my eyes until I spoke, my voice watery. “Julian, that’s awful.” I reached out to stroke his hair away from his face, and he seemed to appreciate my touch. “You’re the strongest person I’ve ever met,” I told him softly.

His eyes flicked open, his expression wry. “I’m not strong, I’m just stubborn. I don’t give up easy.”

I didn’t agree, but I also didn’t argue. I was still reeling from his past, and I felt honoured that he was comfortable enough to share it with me. Something in my chest unfurled, a new and unfamiliar feeling. It was an affection for Julian, but it felt bigger, stronger, more intense, and also worrisome.

I rubbed at my chest, telling myself it would subside. It was a product of spending the evening together. We’d grown closer, that was all.

I refused to accept any other explanation, no matter how it pitter-pattered on the fringes of my brain.





Chapter Sixteen





Julian





“My God, don’t tell me you’re reading those damn books, too,” I said when I entered my flat.

Rose and Damon were in the city for a press junket for Damon’s latest film, Sunset Over Lancashire. It was his first gangster flick. Rose said he played a crime boss with a dark past and I knew Damon would nail the edgy role.

Currently though, the actor lounged on my couch, a Sasha Orlando novel in hand. He couldn’t be further from a brooding crime boss as he gave a sheepish look. “Rose got me into them. They’re pretty addictive.”