Fauxmance (Showmance #2)(51)

He glanced at the couch by the window. “We should sit down. I have a feeling this is going to be a long conversation.”

Oh, man.

I followed him to the couch and sat. He angled his body to face me, gazing at me for a long moment. There was something about Julian’s stares, like he saw all of you, even the parts you tried to keep hidden. I grew self-conscious and fiddled with the hem of my blouse.

Julian blew out a breath. “I guess I’ll start by asking you this. Why do you want to hire my services?”

“I already said it was a mistake—”

He cut off my words by placing a finger to my lips. I was momentarily speechless at the feel of his skin on my mouth. He lowered his hand. “We both know you don’t just blurt things out. You’re a worrier, Ellen, and worriers think on things for a long time before they say them. You obviously thought about this for a while.”

I lowered my gaze, feeling shameful. “Okay, you’re right. I have been thinking about it, but I never planned on actually asking you. For one, it would be taking advantage, and for two, it would ruin our friendship.” I paused, feeling self-conscious as I remembered the last time we were together. “Then at the party, all that stuff happened between us and I had a moment of insanity.”

Julian’s expression heated. “Darling, you couldn’t take advantage of me if you tried. But back to my original question, the moment of insanity aside, why did you want to hire me?”

My old friend embarrassment crept in. “You’re the first man I’ve ever really gotten close to, aside from my dad and brothers. I just thought, since it’s your job, you could help me gain some sexual experience.” I whispered that last bit.

Julian’s eyebrows jumped. “Are you a virgin?”

“No!” I exclaimed, then added, “Not quite.”

“What does ‘not quite’ mean?”

“It means my experience is limited, very limited.”

“I see.”

I studied him. “Do you?”

Julian sat back, appearing to mull everything over, then asked, “How many men have you been with?”

I tensed up. “That’s neither here nor there.”

“I wouldn’t ask if it weren’t pertinent.”

Huffing a breath, I reluctantly replied, “One.”

Again, his eyebrows jumped. I wished they’d quit doing that. I already felt like enough of a loser. “Just one?”

“Yes.”

Julian rubbed his jaw, looking away while he murmured to himself. “Might as well be a virgin.”

I swiped him lightly on the shoulder. “Hey! You’re not making me feel any better.”

He looked back at me. “My apologies. This is just an unusual situation for me. Clients normally come to me through recommendations. We speak on the phone first, I vet them. It’s all very official, but with you it’s—”

“Complicated?”

Julian exhaled. “Yes, very complicated.”

“Well, like I said, I’ve reconsidered and decided it’s a terrible idea anyway so…”

I trailed off because what I said appeared to bother him. A deep line formed between his eyebrows. “What will you do then? Keep your body hidden away, never explore the sexuality hidden inside you? You’re a beautiful woman, Ellen. You deserve to know what it’s like to be desired, and to desire another.”

I definitely knew what it was like to desire another.

I swallowed down the words and instead replied, “Then what?”

Julian held my gaze. “I will take you on as a client.”

He would?

“You will?”

He lifted a finger. “But, there will be rules, for both of us.”

Was this actually happening? I had to be dreaming. My heart threatened to beat its way right out of my chest.

“Obviously, I haven’t taken this decision lightly, which is clear from the fact that it took me two whole days to consider it.”

Was that why he hadn’t been in touch? He’d spent the entire time thinking about my offer?

I nodded soberly. “I understand.”

He eyed me a moment, then blew out a breath. “Rule number one. When we’re together, you’ll be Ellen, not Elodie.”

“But…”

“No excuses. Nothing about this arrangement will be pretend.”

My throat ran dry. “I’m not sure I can do it as myself.”

“Of course, you can. You’re you all the time, you just need to take off the wig.”

But the wig is my safety blanket, Julian, you don’t understand.

“Rule number two,” he went on before I could argue. “You won’t discuss our arrangement with anyone.”

“Not even Rainbow and Skittles?” I asked for comic effect. This conversation was getting too serious.

Julian’s lips twitched. “Not even Rainbow and Skittles. Rainbow’s a notorious gossip.”

I let out a soft laugh. “Is there a rule number three?”

His expression sobered. “Yes, when our arrangement comes to its natural end, we might not be able to see each other again. It all depends on how things pan out, but we need to prepare ourselves for the possibility.”

My gut sank. I liked having Julian as a friend. He brought me out of myself and gave me butterflies. Made me feel more alive. I didn’t want to lose that.