Fatal Reckoning (Fatal #14)(28)

As they stepped into the chilly autumn evening, Gonzo put his arm around Christina, hoping the gesture would be welcome. She’d been present but distant since picking him up two days ago, most of her focus on their son while she kept her word about spending every minute with Gonzo so he wouldn’t fuck up again.

That was what it had come to—the cop being policed by his own fiancée. Not that he didn’t deserve the scrutiny, because he did.

She didn’t shake him off as they walked to the car, and he took that as a small victory.

He held the passenger door for her. “One hell of a day.”

“It was an amazing show of respect. I’ll never forget it.”

As he went to close the door, he caught the uncertain, wary look she directed his way, as if she wasn’t sure whether she could trust this version of him.

It would take time and persistence on his part to get things back on track with her, but he was determined to try. They drove home in tension-filled silence and trudged up the stairs to their apartment. After they hung their coats on a tree in the foyer, he turned to her. “Did you hear from my mom?”

She nodded. “Alex had a good day and was asleep by eight. He’s asking for you. Your mom told him he’ll see you tomorrow. They’re going to bring him home early so he can see you before we leave.”

“The poor kid isn’t going to understand why I have to go again.”

“We’ll get through it.” She sounded exhausted.

“Hey, Chris…”

She was on her way to the bedroom but stopped and turned to face him.

“I’m really sorry for what I’ve put you and Alex through. I’m trying to do better.”

“I can see that, Tommy. I really can. I’m proud of you.”

He shook his head. “You shouldn’t be. Not yet anyway. But hopefully, someday…”

She came to him and rested her hands on his chest, her right hand next to the gold badge he wore so proudly, even after everything he’d experienced on the job. The good still outweighed the bad, even if the bad had gotten the upper hand lately. “I’m always proud of you, of the difficult job you do so well, of the way you care so much about the people you work with that the loss of one of them nearly killed you too. As hard as it’s been to watch you go through that, knowing you love so deeply makes me feel very lucky to be loved by you.”

He put his arms around her and held her tightly, breathing in the familiar scent of her hair and skin. “I love you so much. I’d be lost without you and Alex.”

“We can’t wait to have you home again, but we want you whole and healthy. I pray for you to find some peace, Tommy.”

“I want that too. More than just about anything.”

“Come to bed with me.” She took his hand and led him into the bedroom.

When he would’ve begun to remove his uniform, she stopped him. “Let me.”

He dropped his hands to his sides and let her tend to him, watching as she worked with determination to unbutton, unhook and undress him. She stripped him down to his boxers, laying each piece of his uniform over the back of a chair. “My turn.”

She turned to give him her back and he unzipped the black dress that was demure, respectful and sexy. The dress dropped to the floor. He rested his hands on her shoulders and kissed the top of her head. “Thank you for standing by me through all of this, babe.”

Turning to face him, she gazed up at him with the big eyes that had captivated him since the night they met, almost two years ago now. “I love you. There’s nowhere else I want to be than smack in the middle of your life—and Alex’s.”

“Despite how it may have seemed recently, there’s nowhere else I want to be than in that life too.”

She raised her hands to his face and brought him down for a kiss that quickly spiraled into desperation.

He couldn’t recall the last time he’d kissed her this way or made love to her or even wanted to. He’d been so numb for so long. Desire came roaring back to life in a tidal wave of want and need. “Chris…” Overwhelmed by the emotion, he wrapped his arms around her and held on tight. “I’m so sorry for everything.” His eyes burned with tears that he struggled to contain.

“It’s okay, Tommy.” Her soft voice soothed him as she caressed his back. “We’re going to be okay.” She gave a gentle tug to guide him into bed with her where she welcomed him into her loving embrace. The silk of her skin brushing against his triggered a craving for more of her.

“Do we need a condom?” Before Arnold was killed, they’d been trying for a baby. It shamed him to realize he had no idea if she had gone back on birth control.

“If we don’t want to chance pregnancy we do. If we don’t care, we don’t.”

“Do you still want to have another baby?”

She gazed up at him with her heart in her eyes. “I want everything with you.”

“I want everything with you too.” He kissed her. “After I get home, let’s get married.”

Combing her fingers through his hair, she said, “You don’t think we ought to wait until things settle down a bit?”

“Things are never going to settle down. I want to be married. I want you to officially adopt Alex. I want us to be a family.”