Falling Down(63)

One more hard, deep thrust and Jesse lets out a shout of, "Fuuuuuck Lucy." Then he grunts and breathes heavily with each spurt of cum that my * milks from him. He keeps moving and coming and I see the surprise on his face. Now he knows how I feel and I'm so f*cking glad he found that with me.
"Christ," he says and thrusts one last time before flopping down on top of me. I slip my legs off his shoulders, down to either side of him. His face is buried in my neck, his breaths coming fast and furious. "What the f*ck was that?"
I giggle. Yes, I actually giggle. "Now you know how I felt with that last one. I couldn't even breathe."
"I love when you scream my name like that. That's what made me lose control."
"Mmm, happy to help."
"Shit. I don't want to move." But he gets up and disposes of the condom, then climbs back between my legs and on top of me. I wrap one arm around his back and toy with his hair with the other hand.
"I can't believe you spanked me."
"You f*cking loved it. You keep surprising me."
"Do, uh, you do that a lot?"
"What? Spank?" he asks against my neck.
"Mhmm."
"Nope. Lucky you."
"My ass is still burning."
"But your * is singing."
I laugh. "It was more like screaming."
"Screaming for more of my cock."
"More like begging for mercy. I'm going to be so, so sore."
"Your * and your ass. Hell yeah."
"Caveman."
"Fucking A. You'll remember who f*cked you good and hard all weekend and who spanked that sexy ass until you came all over my dick."
"Jesus, Jesse. The dirty talk gets me all horny."
He chuckles. "Yeah, I know."
"I can't go again. I'm so sore."
He grunts. "Good."
I try to think back and count how many times we had sex over the last four days, not limiting it to penetration, and I can't remember. I'm sure Jesse knows since he's been counting my orgasms.
"How many times did we have sex?"
I feel his smirk against my neck. "Why? You going to write it in your diary?"
"I might. There's lots of stuff in my diary about the hotness that is Jesse Kingston."
"Twenty-three."
"How did I know that you kept count? Seriously twenty-three?"
"Mhmm."
"My vag is never going to be the same."
"Nope. You'll always remember these last four days."
I sigh. That's what I'm afraid of. I'm never going to get over him and as he lays here on top of me, his breaths wafting across my neck, I know that what was once a crush is so much more than that. I'm all kinds of f*cked up over Jesse Kingston. Sex complicates everything. I may not be in love with him but I'm pretty f*cking close. This is so not good. Really not good.
I keep running my fingers through Jesse's hair as his breathing evens out, and he falls asleep. I could get used to lying just like this with this man. I could love him. It's just too bad he can't love me back. I sigh inwardly. How am I supposed to get over him now?
There'll be distance. Likely I won't see Jesse up close and personal ever again and the thought of that sends a pang to my heart. It hurts to know that. Why the hell did I think I could handle this with him and walk away unscathed?
Yeah, the things he did to my body have been glorious but my heart got involved somewhere along the way--likely in seventh f*cking grade. I've probably been in love with him for the last eleven years. Can you be in love with someone you don't really know?
What the f*ck am I thinking? In love? I'm not in love with him. I could be and probably would be if I had even just a little more time with him which is why my having to leave is a blessing. It's going to save me and keep me from breaking.