FADING (A novel)(58)

“No.”

We walk out to grab another load of wood. Kimber and Jase both left as soon as they were finished with finals, so I have been picking up a lot of extra shifts at work this past week to keep myself busy. Ryan and I have been spending more time together. He continues to show affection with me by holding my hand or putting his arm around me while watching TV, but that’s about it. I’m not sure about my feelings for him, but I’m pretty sure that he sees me as more than his friend. Sure, I’m affectionate with Mark and Jase, but they are non-threatening to me.

When Ryan and I were out getting coffee earlier this week, we ran into a girl that Ryan must have dated in the past. He seemed really uncomfortable talking to her in front of me, but she seemed more than comfortable with him. It didn’t make me jealous, but it made me a little more guarded. Ryan is a good-looking guy, so I shouldn’t be surprised that he has dated a lot of girls, I’m just not sure what a lot actually means. Part of me doesn’t really want to know.

“So, you’re going over to see them then?”

“Well, yeah, I don’t really want to, but it’s Christmas and all. I’m just a little scared about how it will all go. The last time I saw them, we said some pretty nasty things to each other, and I have never gone this long without talking to them.”

“What are they so upset about?”

Back inside the house, I pour a glass of wine, and Ryan takes a beer from the fridge.

“Everything. Turns out I’ve been nothing but an embarrassing disappointment to them all along.”

Ryan lets out an irritated sigh as we take our drinks and head into the living room. We sit down on the couch, and Ryan slides his arm around my shoulders, pulling me next to him.

“I’m sorry, babe,” he says quietly, and I notice his term of endearment. I try not to act flustered, but he has never said anything like that to me before. It’s things like this that he does that confuse me. The friendship that we have has been eased into pretty naturally; I have never questioned him about it, and I find myself liking it.

“Honestly, it’s nothing that I didn’t already know deep down, but it was the first time that it actually hit me that these were their true feelings toward me.”

“I don’t want you going over there.” His statement catches me off guard, and I look up at him. I can see it written all over his face that he’s nothing but serious.

“Ryan, I have to. They’re my parents.”

“I don’t care. I don’t want you going over there for them to treat you like shit.”

Letting out a sigh, I lean back and rest my head on his chest. I’m not sure why this upsets him so much, but I can’t not go see my parents at Christmas. “I have to go,” I softly whisper. “It’s Christmas, and I really should be there. I’m only going for dinner. That’s all.”

“Then I’m going with you.”

I pull away from him and turn to look at him straight on. “What?”

“I don’t want you going alone, Candace. I’ll go with you.”

I shake my head and say, “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Well, I don’t think it’s a good idea that you’re going. So, we can argue about this, or you can just say ‘okay.’”

I sit there looking at him, surprised that he would even care so much about this. But, he’s right, I don’t see him backing down, so instead of fighting him on this, I turn and lean back into him. “Okay.”

“And I don’t want you spending Christmas alone either, so why don’t you come with me. I could use the distraction at the madhouse.”

“What?! No. Thanks, but I’ll be fine.”

“I’m sure you will be fine, but I don’t like the thought of you sitting here alone, so you’re coming with me.”

“Ryan, it feels weird.”

“Why?”

“Because. It just does. I know you have a big family, and I just don’t want to intrude.”

He shifts to face me, and says, “It’s not an intrusion. My family isn’t like that.”

I look down and take a moment before saying, “Okay, but no gifts. It makes me uncomfortable.”

“Why’s that?”

“I don’t know. It just always has. Please,” I say in a serious tone.

“Okay. No gifts. But just so you know, I have a shit-ton for the kids,” he says with a chuckle.

I smile and we sit back, kicking our feet up onto the coffee table. “So when did you start making all the rules?”

“When you started making me worry about you.”

I don’t respond to his statement; I don’t know how to respond. The protectiveness of his words confuses me, but they make me feel good. Instead, I just sit there next to him and stare at the undecorated tree by the front window and worry about Ryan meeting my parents.

?????

I have been on edge all day thinking about how dinner will go tonight. I’m nervous because the last time I saw my parents, it didn’t go so well, and nothing has been discussed or resolved. I’m also nervous about Ryan meeting them. I know my mother will jump to conclusions and assume we are dating, and that will not go over well since I know she will be judging him and measuring him up to her unreachable standards.