FADING (A novel)(5)

Jase and I laugh at her. I walk over and pour myself another cup of coffee before heading to my room.

“I’m going to hit the shower and get ready for work. I’ll see you guys later.”

“See ya,” they both say in unison.

The weather is oddly nice today, so after I’m dressed, I decide that I will just walk to work. I’ve been working at Common Grounds, a local coffee house right off campus, for the past two years. I don’t need the job for the money; I just like having the responsibility.

I pull out my phone as I walk to check my messages, and I notice I have a missed call and voicemail from my mother. Already annoyed, I go ahead and listen to her message.

Candace, I was hoping to hear all about your date with that young man from the club. I surely hope you didn’t already screw this one up. It’s your senior year and you should be taking your future seriously. I just heard Maggie’s daughter got engaged to the Garrison’s son. Well, anyways, I have a lunch date with the ladies, so I need to go. Please, call me back.

Deleting the message, I drop the phone into my bag. Of course she would think anything that didn’t work out to her liking would be my fault. She’s so unbelievable. I only wish I could have a decent relationship with her, with both of my parents, really. I know I shouldn’t have those expectations, but I can’t help hoping, that maybe one of these days things will change.

When I arrive, I am greeted with the familiar aroma of freshly ground coffee and muffins. I love working here. Everyone is really nice and my boss, Roxy, is great. She’s in her early thirties and is extremely eccentric, with long, choppy colorful hair—purple this week— a pierced nose, and tattoos. She’s always there for me when I need solid advice.

Roxy is working the espresso machine as I round the counter to grab my apron. I tie it on as she finishes with her customer.

“Is it just us this afternoon?” I ask as she is handing the customer his change.

Walking over to me, she sits down on a stool. “Yep. Brandon had to take care of some issue with his scholarship. But it’s been pretty dead so far.”

I pull up a stool and sit beside her.

“How was breakfast with your parents the other day?”

“You know, just the same old crap. Nothing ever changes. I don’t understand my mother and why she just can’t be happy for me. I keep holding on to the hope that she’ll change, but I’m starting to get tired. If it wasn’t for my father, I would probably never even see her.” I look away from Roxy and focus on my hands. “God, that sounds horrible, huh?”

“No, hun, that sounds honest. Don’t apologize for your feelings. You’re allowed to be angry with her.” Roxy stands up and walks back over to the espresso machine to make herself a drink. Talking over the loud grinding and hissing she asks, “So, did you do anything fun last night?”

“I kinda had a date,” I said, peeking at her over my shoulder.

“Oh, yeah? How did that go?” She walks back over to her stool, sits down, and takes a slow sip of her drink.

“Fine, I guess. We just grabbed a couple of drinks. He said he wants to hang out again, which I guess would be okay. I mean, I might as well enjoy another date before the quarter starts and I get too busy.”

Roxy shakes her head at me. “You take life too seriously, you know? You need to let loose and have some fun. You’re never going to get this time back, Candace. Just enjoy it. Be young and carefree.”

I know she makes a good point. I tend to have a hard time letting myself be free. I mean, I go to the occasional party with Kimber, and I go out on dates here and there, but mostly, I’m dancing, studying, working, or hanging out with Jase. I’ve been in college for three years, and I have yet to do anything crazy. Roxy is right; I’ll never get this time back. After this year, I’m going to be focused on my dancing and trying to make it into a career. I need to relax and not take life so seriously all the time.

“Yeah,” I sigh. I stare out at the front of the shop that is covered in floor to ceiling windows. I breathe in a deep breath and say, “Maybe you’re right.”

“I know I’m right. Every school year you get sucked into your classes and dance. You keep yourself so busy. Let go. Just for a moment—let go. Be a little spontaneous.”

I stare her straight in the eyes.

“Just try,” she says.

I’m not sure what it is about today that makes me actually listen to what she is saying. Maybe it’s the fact that I am still irritated with my mother’s crude voicemail. I’ve heard it all before, but this time, I feel it seeping into me. Roxy is right. What the hell was I doing? Kimber is always out having the time of her life while I have my head buried in books. I’m always striving to be perfect, but I know I will never be that in my mother’s eyes. I try to do my best in school and with dance. Maybe if she sees how others look at me, she might start to appreciate me. She might even start to like me. Screw it.

“Let’s go next door,” I say as my lips start to turn up into a grin.

“Huh?”

“Come on. It’s dead in here. Let’s close up for an hour.” I hop down from my stool and start taking off my apron.

Roxy gets an approving look on her face and smiles. “Hell yeah! No way I’m gonna give you even a second to back down. Let’s go.”