FADING (A novel)(45)

“Your mother and I are not going to stop supporting you, Candace. That’s not what we are saying. But this idea of yours . . . it’s just not realistic—”

My father is cut short when my mother interrupts. “I can’t deal with you anymore. I simply cannot figure you out and why you can’t be more responsible. Do you know how embarrassing it is for me when people ask me what my daughter is studying in college? The looks I get when I tell them you’re a dance major, knowing you have no intentions on going to grad school and finally getting a respectable degree. And your attitude is just very unbecoming lately—”

She stops talking when I stand up and throw my napkin down on the table. “What’s unbecoming is you, Mother. You are nothing but a self-centered woman who never even put her education to use. You married rich and frolic with all the other housewives, and you justify your lifestyle with your charities, but I see right through you.” I look over at my father and quickly apologize for my abrupt departure before turning my back to them and walking out of the dining room.

The tears begin to fall as I feel another part of myself breaking, a part that I have held onto so tightly with hope, hope that my parents, behind all their shit, really loved me. But I just realized that to them, I am nothing more than a tarnished accessory.





Chapter Sixteen


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I feel lost, like I’m floating around and there is nothing to grab onto to ground me. Today did not go as I thought it would. Sure, I often argue with my mother, but today was more than another fight. Today was my realization, a culmination of everything, finally clear and right in front of my face, staring into my eyes.

After I walked out on my parents, I drove back to the house and grabbed all of my belongings. There’s nothing left for me to say, and there’s nothing they could say to dull the pain that’s shooting through my chest. I finally see that I’m a failure in my mother’s eyes and a disappointment in my father’s. So, I just left.

Pulling up to my empty house, I sit in my car for a little while and listen to the rain beating against my car. I close my eyes and lean my head back on the headrest. Everyone is probably having a great time, eating dinner, and visiting with family and friends, laughing. And here I am, alone, sitting in my car in the pouring rain. Pathetic.

I step out into the rain, pull my suitcase out of the trunk, and walk slowly to the front door not caring that I am getting soaked. It’s dark and quiet when I walk inside. I drag myself to my room and head to the bathroom to shower.

When I am cleaned up and in my pajamas, I unpack my bag and hang up all of my new clothes. While I am sorting through my closet I hear my phone chime. I rush over to my bed to grab my cell when I see a text from a number I don’t recognize. Swiping the screen to open the message, it reads: Got your number from Mark. Wanted to see how your Thanksgiving went. –Ryan I hold the phone in my hand, staring at the text for a minute before typing my response.

I think we managed to fall into the universal tradition of holiday drama. : ) That bad?

Kinda. Now I’m home with no food.

It takes a while for Ryan to text me back as I continue to hold my phone and stare at the screen. I have never considered Ryan one of my friends, more of just Mark or Jase’s friend that I hang out with on occasion. But being able to sit here tonight, when I feel like crap, and text him, feels nice.

Sorry, saying bye to everyone. About to head home myself.

Did you have a good time with your family?

Yeah, I did. Ate way too much. Feel like I need to hibernate.

LOL. Drive safe. Is it pouring where you are?

Not too bad. Try and have a good night.

Thanks.

Before I set my phone down, I store his number into my contacts then hop up to go rummage through the kitchen. I find an old bag of popcorn. No one went grocery shopping since we all were supposed to be gone for the week, and now there is nothing to eat. I decide to heat up the bag, get comfortable on the couch, and turn on the TV.

?????

The chiming of my phone wakes me. Squinting my eyes against the sunlight that is filtering in through the windows, I grab my phone to see that it’s almost eight in the morning and that I have a missed text from Ryan. I shift and sit up on the couch, then read his text.

I am heading out for breakfast. Wanna join?

Grocery shopping is the last thing I want to do, so with no food in the house, I type my response.

Sure. Where?

The Dish Café. 9:00?

See you then.

I hop off the couch to take a quick shower and get ready. I wasn’t planning on coming back home for a couple days, so it’ll be nice to hang out since I have nothing to do otherwise.

After smearing on some lip-gloss, I slide on my leopard rain boots under my boot-cut jeans. I clasp on my watch and make my way out into the rain to get into my car.

When I walk into The Dish, a small dive café, I see Ryan is already sitting at one of the tables. He looks up from his menu as I approach the table.

“Hey,” he says.

Shrugging off my coat and draping it over the back of the chair, I sit down and say, “Hi, thanks for inviting me. I literally have no food at the house.”

“So, what did you wind up doing last night?”

“I ate an old bag of popcorn and passed out on the couch.”