FADING (A novel)(44)

“Oh, hey. Do you mind if we take separate cars? I was thinking about visiting Katy after we leave the club. I haven’t seen her since summer.”

“Of course, darling,” my father says as he opens the car door for my mother.

“Great.” I walk over to my car and hop in. Katy and I grew up together and we try to see each other when we are both home from college on breaks.

When I pull up to the prestigious Seattle Golf and Country Club, I am greeted by one of the valets. He opens my door and helps me out of the car where I am rejoined with my parents. Walking in, I plaster on a smile as people begin to say hello to my parents and myself. The faces never change, only the occasions.

When we are seated at our table looking out over the immaculate greens, our waiter approaches, and I quickly order a glass of wine. Looking down at the menu card that is placed on the center of my place setting, I let out a sigh of relief that this year they are actually serving turkey instead of the dreadful duck they had last year. But of course, it’s not your traditional turkey, not that I even know what that is since I have spent every holiday dinner here in this very room. They are serving a porcini-soy stuffed turkey with shallot-truffle gravy. Nothing can ever be simple.

When the waiter returns with our drinks, my father orders some hors d'oeuvres before our main course. My father lifts his glass and makes a quick toast before we clink and take our sips.

“So, Bunny, how is this school year going for you?”

“It’s been really busy, but I am managing to maintain my four point GPA, which should make you proud.”

I hear my mother softly chuckle as my dad says, “You know how important grades are to me, and it shows that you care. Of course I’m proud.”

“Thanks, Dad.”

My mother clears her throat, and I eye her when she says to my father, “She’s a dance major, honey. How hard can it be to have a four point?”

Clearly she had one too many cocktails in the library back home, because she is being more bold than usual. I tell myself to let it go so that this doesn’t wind up in an argument.

My father doesn’t say anything when she continues, “Sorry if that came out rude, but have you given any thought as to what you will do after graduation this spring? Have you applied to any graduate schools yet?”

“Graduate schools?” I ask as I shift my look to my dad and shake my head feeling like this choice of conversation was premeditated.

“Yes, well, your mother and I were concerned about your next step.”

“You know I have always planned on dancing. That has never changed.”

In a much softer voice, my mother says, “We were assuming that you would be taking a more serious outlook on your future. I mean, we have allowed you these past four years, hoping you would grow out of this little ballerina dream of yours.” She says this as if I’m a child with foolish dreams, like when a little girl says she wants to be a fairy princess when she grows up.

I take my time to respond when my father speaks up. “Your mother’s right, dear. It’s time we start making some serious decisions. Although I have been fine with letting you direct these past four years, it’s time to get on track and get focused.”

I look at these two people sitting in front of me. My parents. The two people that should know me the best, love me, support me, and encourage me. But they don’t know me at all. My stomach twists at the realization that they have never known me. Deep down, I’ve known this all along, but I guess I’ve been fooling myself to believe that I was wrong about them. How can they be so oblivious to who I am?

“I thought you guys knew what I wanted. This was never something I have wavered on.” I begin to feel my eyes sting, but I refuse to cry. Although I’m aware that they disapprove of my choice of major, I never really thought they would try to step in and change my dreams.

“You can’t seriously think that you can make a respectable career out of dancing, do you?”

“Yes, Mom. I do.” I snap back.

“Your mother and I just want to help you avoid having regrets.”

“About the only thing I regret was believing that you two supported me,” I whisper harshly. “How can you do this?”

“Honey, look at yourself. Your choice of friends is a little concerning, you don’t participate in any extracurricular activities, you don’t have a steady boyfriend, you never call us or visit when we live only a few miles away. I look around and see the girls you graduated high school with and they are either getting married, furthering their education, starting their careers, and I just have to wonder what went wrong?”

“Nothing went wrong!” I say a little louder than I should have. Lowering my voice, I continue, “Is it so hard for you to believe in me? To trust that I am making the best decisions for myself? And as far as my friends go, at least they understand me and love me anyway.”

“Bunny, we do love you.”

“No. You may think you do, but you just want me to be someone I’m not. I’ve never been that person. How can you not see that?”

“Candace, calm down.”

“No, Mother. What did you expect? That you and Dad could just trap me here and I would willingly let you step in and take control of my future? That’s not going to happen. Thank you for paying my way through college, but we’re done.”