Epic Sins (Epic Fail #1)(35)

Garrett smiles and pulls a pillow out from behind him. He lies down on his side, tucking his hands underneath. The reflection from the stars on the ceiling catches his eyes just right. They’re dark and soft and, for once, not angry or aloof. And for first the first time, I can’t help but notice how strikingly handsome he is. His eyes are framed by the longest, thickest lashes I’ve ever seen on a man. His face is perfect and smooth, like he just shaved five minutes ago. His lips part slightly, and I suddenly realize he’s caught me staring.

I blush again and look away from him and focus on the mobile hanging above the crib. Soft instruments dangle above the bedding. Aunt Peggy insisted on a musical theme for Kai’s bedroom, for obvious reasons.

Garrett doesn’t seem to be in a hurry to leave.

“How long will he be like this?” His interest appears genuine, and I want to help him understand Kai’s health situation as best as I can. I guess now is as good a time as any. Tomorrow, he may go back to ignoring the fact that his son is now living under his roof.

I sigh heavily, knowing the reality I’m about to share is likely going to send Garrett running. Again. “It could be up to six months or more. I’ve seen babies get better sooner with early intervention.”

“Like what you’ve been doing with Kai?” he asks.

“Yes.”

His face looks drawn and worried. I realize that I may be scaring him with some of the worst-case-scenario stuff, and I try to shift the vibe in the room.

“With this type of care and comfort, I’ve seen symptoms gradually decline over a shorter time period.” Best case scenario.

“So you’re doing the right thing for him?”

“Absolutely,” I say confidently.

“What do you think he’s going to be like?”

“What do you mean?”

“When he’s older? Will he need special care? Or special schools?”

“Every baby with NAS is different. Some have a really rough start and gradually get better and can function normally throughout their lives. Others need constant care and therapy. Some are in between. There’s really no clear outcome.” It’s hard to describe the spectrum of problems that an NAS baby may have.

He looks even more drawn and says, “I don’t know if I can do this.”

“Do what?”

“What you’re doing. I don’t think I have it in me to be like you.”

I’m surprised he’s even thinking about taking care of Kai. It tells me that he’s contemplating his options and that maybe, just maybe, he actually cares.

“Every living person has the capacity to provide care for another; some people just have to dig deeper than others to find it.”

“I respectfully disagree,” he says, shaking his head.

“Then we agree to disagree,” I reply.

“Why are you doing this for me?” he asks, quickly changing the subject.

“I’m doing this for Kai, not you. And because I love my aunt.” I state simply.

Raindrops begin to pelt the window behind me and then they pick up speed. Garrett takes a deep breath but doesn’t move. He’s looking between me and his son, and a strange expression comes over his face. It’s a weak smile that’s a mix of contentment and worry. I can tell the questions he asked me tonight have been bothering him, and he looks like he’s formulating the next one. Our silence isn’t exactly uncomfortable, but something hangs in the air between us that I can’t grasp.

“Your aunt is a wonderful woman. I don’t know what I’d do without her.” He stretches his legs out and tucks the pillow tighter under his cheek. “When I’ve been home, I can’t think of a time when she didn’t have my life in perfect order.”

“Even down to a sock drawer,” I say, and he immediately nods his head in agreement. I know my aunt so well. She’s a perfectionist and everything has its place.

“Seriously, who knew you could fold socks that way?” he says and for the first time, I feel at ease with him, even though I wanted to pummel him when we met. His arrogance and ignorance were dumbfounding.

I suddenly feel the need to tell him. “Why were you such a jerk?”

I can tell he’s taken off guard by my question, because the comfortable smile that was on his face disappears.

“I was afraid, Sam.” He pauses to clear his throat. “I am afraid.”

How can I go from contempt to caring? I was so angry with him during his absence that I prepared an epic speech, ready to chastise him and his terrible choices. I planned to eviscerate him with my words, tear him down so he could feel small and insignificant. I was so angry with him for abandoning his son. And suddenly, I empathize with him and his fear. He’s as ill prepared for this as any unsuspecting bachelor would be.

“I need your help,” he says.

“I am helping, Garrett. This is what I do.”

“No, I mean, I need you to teach me how to do all of this.” His eyes are pleading and his voice is soft. I’m shocked by his request and proud of him at the same time. Why the sudden change of heart?

“Of course I can teach you, but you’d be surprised how much of it you’ll do naturally. Instinct takes over and you suddenly know how to parent.”

He lets out a soft breath. “Again, we’ll have to agree to disagree on that point. I have no instincts, and a few weeks ago, I didn’t want anything to do with being a parent.”