Epic Sins (Epic Fail #1)(34)

“How?” I ask.

“He killed himself.”





Sam

Present

Villanova, Pennsylvania

Age 23



I WAKE WITH A SMALL JOLT OF PAIN down my neck. I feel a weight in my arms and realize I’m still holding Kai. My feet never stopped rocking us back and forth, even though I had fallen asleep. He’s swaddled tightly and breathing quickly. This is a sign that he’ll wake up soon. His short fits of sleep are constantly interrupted by the pain he feels throughout his body.

I’ve become in tune with his irregular schedule over the past month and can sense when he’s about to start wailing. I get myself ready to absorb his pain, and I recline the rocker so I’m lying back. I unbutton my shirt and slide it off so I’m wearing just my sports bra, then I swiftly remove the tight swaddling from his body. He’s only wearing a diaper as I press his warm body against my chest. He stiffens and begins to scream his painful cries. Each one tears through me worse than the last. I feel it all. He stiffens more and arches his back, lifting his head off of my chest. His cries become more frantic, and I reach for the warm blanket that’s hanging over the side of the chair. I wrap it around my shoulders and hold him firmly against my chest as I hum softly. After about twenty minutes, he begins to slowly relax into me as I continue to melodically hum near his ear. The vibrations from my chest finally soothe him.

I close my eyes and transfer my warmth into his little body, pulling the blanket over him tighter. A sound from the corner startles me, and Garrett slowly emerges from the shadows.

“Oh my God,” he says softly and walks toward me, his head hung low.

I haven’t seen much of him over the past four weeks. After I attempted to give him an introductory course in caring for a drug-addicted baby, he’s barely been here. He wasn’t kidding when he said he had no intentions of taking care of his son. He hired me to do a job and I’m doing it, kick-ass I might add. Aunt Peggy claims to not know where he’s been hiding out, and I’m sure it’s been in a fancy hotel with some groupie.

“Get out,” I whisper, trying not to disturb the rhythm I’ve created for Kai.

“Is he okay?” he asks, and I can’t believe there’s actual concern in his voice.



“He is for now, but he’ll start screaming if you stay in here. Please leave.”

He ignores my request and sinks onto the day-bed across from Kai’s crib. That bed is meant for me, but I haven’t slept in it yet. This chair is the only bed I’ve known since I moved in, and Kai has yet to see the inside of that crib.

Garrett’s eyes focus on the lump of baby under the blanket. “Why aren’t you wearing a shirt?” he asks. He doesn’t sound all pervy, and for the first time I notice he’s not trying to undress me with his eyes.

“Body warmth. It’s called the Kangaroo Method. Skin-on-skin contact helps soothe him,” I whisper. Kai stiffens, and I immediately hum into his ear. Once he’s relaxed again, Garrett asks another question.

“Why the humming? It doesn’t sound like music. It’s like a pattern?”

“It causes deep reverberations in my chest and it calms him down.”

He looks amused. “Kind of like when my mother says she ran the vacuum cleaner when I cried as a baby?”

I surprise myself with a smile and nod. “Yes.”

“Oh,” he says and continues to stare at his son. He’s fixated on the thick tuft of black hair that sticks straight out in all directions. Most days, Kai looks like a mad scientist.

“Why is he in so much pain?” he asks softly. His eyes are heavy and sad.

I’m taken a little off-guard by his questions. And I’m stunned by his sudden concern for his son. He’s never shown any interest in Kai, and it surprises me that he’s asking these relevant questions. I’m not sure he’ll be happy with the answers, but I give him the most honest responses.

“When he was in his mother’s body, drugs passed into his system. He was exposed to them for a long time when she was using during her pregnancy. He needed those drugs when he was born, but they weren’t there anymore. He’s withdrawing, just like an adult addict would do.”

He nods in understanding and leans back further on the bed.

I rock Kai silently and treasure the peace that I feel throughout his body. He’s reacting differently today. Every time he hears Garrett’s voice, he sinks further into my chest. How can he know who Garrett is?

Garrett hasn’t been this close to his son since the first day Kai came home. Maybe it’s the tone of his voice that’s soothing? Or the tenor?

“He’s reacting to your voice,” I say and lift the blanket slightly so he can see how relaxed Kai is against my chest. His tiny hands fall at my sides and his cheek is glued to my skin just above my heart. Garrett eyes his son and raises his eyebrow.

“You know you’re not wearing a shirt, right?” he says, and I feel warmth spread through my entire body. I’m blushing everywhere. My cheeks flush. I lower the blanket over Kai so as not to wake him, at the same time covering myself. Thank God I’m wearing my sports bra.

I’m mortified.

“Please leave,” I say, completely embarrassed.

What the hell was I thinking?