Epic Sins (Epic Fail #1)(25)

Totally f*cked up.

I can’t even imagine his situation. My dad was never abusive toward my mom or me. He put us in harm’s way when he owed tens of thousands of dollars in gambling debts, but he would never raise a hand to hurt either of us.

Thank God Alex was taken in by Dax’s family. I think he would have self-destructed otherwise.

“What’s next?” Tristan asks, addressing Dax. “When’s our next gig?”

Dax pulls a folded piece of paper from his pocket and smooths it out on the table in front of him.

“Next Thursday, Friday and Saturday we’re back here. We play one gig on Thursday night, two on Friday and one on Saturday.”

Tristan groans. “Does that mean we’re playing Happy Hour on Friday, because the last time we did that, we were singing to fifty-year-old dudes.”

“Suck it up, *. Do you want to be able to pay your rent this month?” Dax says, annoyed.

Tristan pipes down and Dax runs through the next several weeks’ worth of shows. Apparently, there’s a record label interested in seeing us. Alex is skeptical, but the rest of us think it’s a major deal.

“We’ll use these next few weeks to get ready for the label rep to come see us next month. He’s coming here on the eighteenth.”

“My birthday,” I say, smiling.

“It’s going to be an epic night.”





Sam

Present

Villanova, Pennsylvania

Age 23



“ABSOLUTELY NOT!” I yell at Aunt Peggy. I’m disgusted by what she just asked me, practically begged me, to do. “There is no way in hell I’m going to do this, so just back off.”

“Hear me out, Samantha.” Her tone is firm. There have only been two times she’s spoken to me like this and neither time was good. “I need you to listen to everything I have to say before you say no again.”

I flop onto the couch and yell again. “Do you have any idea what I’ve just been through? What I’ve done? I can’t possibly consider what you’re suggesting.”

I’m hanging on by a thread right now after the incident with baby Ben. I haven’t left my room for days. My guilt consumes me, and all I can think about is what I did wrong. How I killed a defenseless baby.

“Sam, if there is a child that needs you more than this one does, tell me and I’ll leave you alone.” She glares at me and I glare back.

“No child needs me! No child should be around me right now. I f*cked up and I killed a baby! Do you hear me?” I’m screaming and shaking at the same time. She rushes to my side and throws her arms around me.

“Shhh, Sam. Calm down.” Her hands get caught in my tangled curls.

“You can’t ask me to do this,” I plead with her. Tears are freely flowing down my face, and she looks at me with pity. I hate that look. I don’t deserve her pity, or anyone’s, for that matter.

She starts talking over my sobs and I know she won’t stop until I hear her out. I wipe the dampness from my cheeks. I hate feeling sorry for myself. It makes me feel weak and useless. I nod once and she quickly jumps back into her request.

“Kai is a very sick little boy. His mother was addicted to some pretty bad drugs. She died of an apparent overdose, leaving him alone. She has no family at all. Now he’s suffering and about to be discharged to his father, who only just found out about him yesterday. The social worker has done everything within her power to find Kai a stable and loving home, but everything has fallen through. This baby needs you, Sam. Please. I’m begging you.”

Her stern voice turns soft and I see the worry and sadness in her eyes.

“Why are you asking me?” I ask.

“Because you’re the only one who can do it. I’ve seen you with the babies you care for. You save their lives every moment you’re with them. You’re the first line of defense should something go wrong and you help some through their last breaths on this earth.” I suck in a breath and open my mouth to correct her. I want to tell her that she’s wrong. I’m a killer. She ignores me and continues, “You’re the reason why ninety-nine-point-nine percent of the severely sick babies born in your hospital survive. You, Samantha.”

My self-doubt creeps in and more tears flow. “But I’m also the reason why one very special little boy is dead. Don’t you see? I’m not ready for this. I may never be ready for this ever again.”

Her look is stern once more. “Stop. I won’t listen to you talk like this. You’ll come to accept that what happened with baby Ben was an accident. It will take time, but you’ll accept it.” She squeezes my hand and she knows I’m resisting. I don’t want to believe her. I can never accept the damage that I’ve caused. I don’t understand why she doesn’t see that.

“I won’t take no for an answer. You can’t refuse to help this poor baby. You took an oath as a nurse. You can’t turn your back on this child. I won’t let you.”

She’s not going to back down.

“His social worker described what’s wrong with him with some technical term.” She pauses, trying to remember.

“Neonatal Abstinence Syndrome,” I answer for her.

“That’s it,” she says, nodding her head. “So you know all about what it is and how to care for this child.” She baited me and is reeling me in.