Ensnared (Knights of Brethren #3)(7)

Not only had I made the vow in order to keep Mikaela safe, but I’d made it because I despised being around my brother and didn’t want to see him ever again.

Almost ten years my senior, Bernhard had taken over the earldom after our parents died when their ship sank. I’d been a lad of six at the time, old enough to understand how much Father bullied, mocked, belittled, and shamed Bernhard. Old enough to avoid Father and his cruelty. Old enough to feel relief instead of remorse at his passing.

The problem was, Bernhard had turned into our father. Before he sent me away for my knight’s training, he’d become quite adept at bullying, mocking, belittling, and shaming me. I, in turn, had become proficient at deflecting him and masking my truest feelings, hiding them where he wouldn’t be able to see and use them against me.

Now here I was, back in Romsdal. And here Torvald and I would stay until we discovered if the rumors of the chalice being in the area were true or false.

During the past day of riding, not only had I steeled myself for seeing Bernhard, but I’d also fortified my heart against Mikaela. I reminded myself of the grave trouble I’d nearly brought upon her during my last visit home. I told myself this time I would stay as far away from her as the eastern horizon was from the western. I even promised myself I wouldn’t look at her or speak to her.

For part of the journey, I’d prayed she was happily married to save me from any temptation. But then the rest of the time, I’d stewed with resentment at the prospect of her being with any other man.

Not that I could ever have her for myself. The idea was as unfathomable now as it had been five years ago. Nevertheless, as we drew closer to Romsdal, my longing for her crested the barriers I’d erected.

As I’d ridden with Torvald across the open expanse of the high plateau, I’d easily spotted her in the crowd beside Frans. Even in her cloak and with hood drawn, she stood out to me. It was as if she was the shore and I the wave, drawn to her regardless of how much I tried to stay out to sea.

Of course, the moment I’d noticed a bound woman tottering on the edge of the cliff, all other thoughts had fled except that of saving her. I’d rapidly formulated an excuse for Bernhard, a request for the woman to become my servant for the duration of my stay in Romsdal. But before I could offer greetings and make my suggestion, the woman had slipped to her death.

So much for fortifying my heart against Mikaela. All it had taken was one look at the despair on her face as she’d turned away from looking down into the fjord for my walls to crumble completely and my vows about staying away from her to turn to dust.

“Begone, Gunnar.” This time Mikaela’s tone contained a bitter edge, one I’d put there. “You’ll find I’m not so gullible anymore.”

Gullible? Is that what she thought? Of course, she wouldn’t know the truth. I’d never made an effort to share it with her, and I never would. “Methinks you came here to the spring hoping I’d follow you.”

Before I could prepare myself, she spun and sent a spray of water my way. It splashed against my face with such force, I could only splutter.

In the same instant, she stood and grabbed her cloak from the stack of her garments on the edge of the pool. Even with the water dribbling in my eyes and blinding me, I pivoted so that my back was facing her, giving her the privacy that she needed to get dressed. I may have gained a reputation as a ladies’ man, but I still retained a shred of decency. Nanna’s influence over the first ten years of my life hadn’t been for naught.

“The truth is,” she said through chattering teeth, “I wouldn’t come here with you, not even if someone bound and forced me to comply.”

“And I am the opposite. No one could keep me away from meeting here with you, even if they bound me and forced me to stay away.” Though I spoke flippantly, trying to keep the moment from weighing too deeply, my declaration held more truth than she’d ever know.

For several long seconds, she didn’t respond, and the air around us was quiet save for her labored efforts to don her garments over her wet shift.

Did I dare put aside my glibness and speak forthrightly with her? This might be my only chance to repair what I’d purposefully broken. But what good could come of it? She would remain safer during my time in Romsdal if I kept far from her, where I wouldn’t draw undue attention or rumors her way.

“Listen, Mikaela.” I let the pretense fall away. “The truth is, I came after you because I want to apologize for hurting you.”

“You didn’t hurt me.” Again, her tone was sharp.

I hadn’t hurt her? Maybe I was being proud to assume that I had. “I regret I led you on—”

“You didn’t lead me on.”

Then why had she said she wasn’t gullible anymore? “Regardless, things ended badly between us, and I apologize.”

“It doesn’t matter. It was long ago. And we’ve both moved on with our lives.”

Had I moved on? Or had I merely moved around? “Oh yes. How could I forget. You’re waiting to marry your soul mate, Frans.”

She huffed and then scrambled past me as she wound up her hair and tucked it under her hood.

I rose and started after her. This time, I didn’t plan to let her get away without talking. I wanted her to understand she’d never been to blame for anything. And I wanted resolution for myself. Perhaps if I finally put to rest my feelings for her, I’d eventually be able to develop fondness for someone else.