Ensnared (Knights of Brethren #3)(4)

Nobody called us slaves. That was too harsh. But we weren’t free. I most certainly wasn’t now—never had been—free to consider a relationship with Gunnar. If I’d ever entertained the prospect, I’d buried it that day after our tryst.

Frans’s bushy brows folded together, and his forehead creased. “Sit and talk with me while I finish the roof repairs.”

I couldn’t keep from glancing down at the waters below again, and I could only pray Lola had gone peacefully, that her suffering hadn’t lasted long.

“We haven’t talked much all week.” Although Frans was never demanding of me, I could sense the growing frustration that warred within him. After years of being my friend, he wanted more from our relationship. He deserved more. But somehow, I always seemed to be falling short of giving him what he needed.

I’d told myself that once we were married, I’d be able to satisfy him better, that we’d have more time to talk and be together. But sometimes I wasn’t sure if I’d ever be enough for him.

“I’m sorry.” My apology came out a strangled whisper, an apology not just for now but for all the times I’d failed him. I would try to do better in the future. But today, at this moment, I wanted to be alone.

He reached up as if he intended to brush a strand of my loose hair out of my face but then dropped both hands to his sides. Valter waited several paces away, his eyes downcast, attempting to give us some privacy. But there was never privacy anywhere, which was all the more reason I needed the hike.

Frans took a step back. “Please be careful, Mikaela. Don’t let anyone follow you.”

“Don’t fret. I know where to hide.” I started away from the fjord with the others, keeping my head down and steering well away from Gunnar and the earl. As I rounded a bend and moved out of their sight, I ducked past a shrub and started down another path that led west along the fjord.

Though the trail was narrow and rocky, I picked up my pace. Only a moment later, I heard the slap of footsteps behind me.

Had I been too hasty in sneaking off on my own and seeking time by myself? Most knew and loved Nanna, as she’d been with the Likness family since both Bernhard and Gunnar were infants. Because of their love for Nanna, the rest of the staff accepted and protected me. Most also knew Frans wanted to marry me. With as big and muscular as he was, no one dared to offend him.

Even so, Frans’s concern echoed in my mind. As did the fact that I’d garnered the earl’s attention during the gathering. I’d be wise to hide until whoever was following me gave up the hunt.

Without a second thought, I scrambled up a low incline, peeled back the branches of a juniper, and ducked into a hidden alcove.

A moment later, the footsteps passed. From my secluded spot, I couldn’t see who it was, but my nerves tightened anyway.

I held myself motionless. After a few minutes passed, the same footsteps returned the way they’d come. Only when they were gone did I allow myself to breathe normally. I climbed down and hurried along the trail, treading as silently as I could. I wanted to deny someone had purposefully followed me, but I couldn’t be too careful as a maiden alone.

It wasn’t as if I was the comeliest maiden in Romsdal. There were others prettier than I was. My copper-brown hair wasn’t anything special, nor were my amber eyes. I was small of stature, although not overly so. And I was too thin. Especially now that I was giving as much of my daily rations to my family as I could.

As I reached a fork in the path, I took neither of the trails, but set out through the shrubs farther inland. I knew exactly where I needed to go, passing each familiar landmark. Before long, I descended into a basin with steam rising from a small clear pool. The surrounding cliff walls acted as a shield, keeping out the wind as well as prying eyes.

I breathed out my relief. The hot spring was as deserted as always.

In spite of the frigid temperature, I shed my cloak, tunic, stockings, and boots, stripping away everything down to my shift. As I unplaited the single thick braid that fell over my shoulder and halfway to my waist, I waded in, the water bathing first my toes, then ankles. I lowered myself to my knees, letting the warmth embrace me. Maybe I wouldn’t be able to forget what I’d witnessed on the cliffs or shed the guilt. But for a few moments I could allow the beauty of this secret place to soothe me.

With a groan of pleasure, I lay back and submerged myself up to my neck. Then I sank down, floating underneath, pressing against the smooth stones at the bottom of the pool.

While I couldn’t sneak away to this hot spring every week on my afternoon off—especially during the harshest parts of winter—I came as oft as I could. I tried not to think about why I’d never invited Frans to come with me, why I’d never even told him about the spot.

It wasn’t because I feared he might take advantage of our being alone. Frans was a man of honor, and he respected me so much that he’d never once attempted to kiss me . . . unlike another man who’d had no hesitation in claiming a kiss.

I broke through the surface, my face suddenly hot. And not because of the water. Even after these many years, the memory of the kiss I’d shared with Gunnar still evoked the same heated reaction within me.

Of course, I’d known him as a child since Nanna had taken care of him. With only two years in age difference, I’d been well aware of who he was and his importance. But since I’d been but a girl of five when I’d come to the castle to work and he only seven, we’d become playmates and friends, having many childhood adventures for the few years we were together in the nursery.