Eleanor & Grey(80)

“All you have to do is say okay,” he told me. “Say okay, and I’ll come.”

I knew I should’ve said no because of what my heart was doing. I knew I should’ve walked away because my stomach was filled with butterflies for a man who wasn’t mine. Yet as my lips parted and I released a sigh, I whispered, “Okay.”

He came with me, just as a friend. As a companion giving me moral support on one of the hard days.

Nothing more, nothing less.

We drove silently to Laurie Lake, because I couldn’t really think of anything to say. Well, other than, “Remember when we almost kissed? What was that about?” Or, “Hey, what would’ve happened if Shay hadn’t walk into the living room exactly at that moment?” Or, “Well, if at first you don’t succeed…try, try again…”

So, yeah. I kept my mouth shut.

Greyson’s left hand kept tapping against his thighs as he drove. If it were anyone else, I would’ve overlooked it, but I knew Greyson and his habits.

You’re nervous, too.

We parked the car, walked through the forested area, and flashes of our teenage years came rushing back to me. Greyson and I had so many moments beside that hidden pond. Moments that saved me. Moments that defined me. Moments that would lead me through the rest of my life.

We laughed there.

We cried there.

We shared our first kiss…

“It’s crazy being back here after all this time,” he mentioned, shaking me from my thoughts. I was thankful for that, too, seeing as how my thoughts were being disloyal to my brain.

In my head, I knew developing feelings for a widower was a terrible idea. But that heart of mine? It didn’t give a damn about what my brain thought. It simply kept beating in the direction of Greyson.

We sat on the log where we always sat, and that amazed me. The log was still there, steady and grounded, as it had been all the years before.

“It’s still as beautiful,” he stated. “Maybe even more so than before.”

“I think that every time I come,” I agreed. “It’s as if I notice something new every single time.”

He tilted his head toward me. “Are you okay, Ellie?” he asked. “I know how hard days like today can be…”

I smiled and placed my hands on the log. “Yeah, I’m okay. I mean, for a long time this day was hard for me. But as the years go by, it stops hurting as much. You start replacing sadness with gratitude. You just kind of become grateful for the memories. It becomes easier to breathe when grief is replaced with thankfulness.”

“I can’t wait for that day to come,” he said, placing his hands on the log, too. Our pinkies kind of brushed, and I felt the touch deep within my soul.

“No need to rush it,” I promised. “Just feel what you need to feel, and over time your feelings will shift into something else. Something beautiful. The best thing about death is that it can’t take away your memories. Those live on forever.”

He lowered his head and took a deep breath. “You always know what to say when I need it the most. Even when I don’t want to hear it, it’s as if you know the words I need.”

I snickered. “That pretty much describes what you were for me when we were younger. You were my safety net that kept me from drowning.”

Greyson grew somber for a moment, looking up at the darkening sky. “I still don’t understand all of this…”

“Understand what?”

“Us. You and me. You showing up when you did. I don’t get it.”

“It does seem a bit wild, doesn’t it?”

“I don’t know if I believe in an afterlife,” he confessed. “I watch Lorelai talking to her mother, and I pray that it’s real, for her own sake. But I don’t know if there is a God, or angels, or anything of the likes. Yet when I was at my lowest... When I was so overwhelmed and broken, I went to her. I went to Nicole, and I sat in front of her gravestone, and I fell apart. I begged her for help, for guidance, for anything at all… I was searching for a reason to smile…” He swallowed hard, clasping his hands together, and looked at me. His eyes were so gentle, and calm. Those gray eyes… He sniffled a bit, shrugged his right shoulder, and softly spoke, “And then came you.”

Oh, Greyson…

“Sorry,” he breathed out, growing a little red in the face.

He was nervous. I was nervous, too. To be honest I wasn’t certain if it was his nerves I was feeling, or my own.

“I’m glad I could be here for you,” I told him. “Besides, I owed you.”

“For what?”

“Keeping me from drowning.”

He smiled and stared out at the pond. “I think now we can call it even.”

We sat there for a while longer, not really saying anything at all, not needing words.

We were just there in the wilderness, calming our souls. And every now and then, a dragonfly buzzed by.

“You know how you always worry about Karla?” I asked him.

“Yeah.”

“That’s how I worry about my father. All the time. I just have this bad feeling that he’s falling deeper into his depression, and even if he needed me, he wouldn’t reach out. It terrifies me every single day.”

“And you’ve tried to help him?”