Eleanor & Grey(33)
Things are going well so far, but I have to admit it’s a little hard working full-time and going to school part-time. I feel like whenever I do get a break, all I want to do is go to bed and sleep until the new year.
On the plus side, the kids I’m nannying are very fun! They keep me on my toes, and it keeps me busy. If I’m not busy I have to be around my dad, and he’s way too sad to be around.
I wonder if he’ll ever get back to normal. The more time that passes, the more unlikely it seems.
I have my night class on Tuesday and Thursday, but maybe Friday night? Call me then?
-Ellie
FROM: [email protected] TO: [email protected]
DATE: September 26, 5:32pm SUBJECT: Re: Re: College
Shit. I made plans with my roommate Friday night. Saturday afternoon around 2?
-Grey
FROM: [email protected] TO: [email protected]
DATE: September 27, 7:11am SUBJECT: Re: Re: Re: College
I have to take the kids to karate. Sunday night?
FROM: [email protected] TO: [email protected]
DATE: September 27, 8:01pm SUBJECT: Re: Re: Re: Re: College
I have a club meeting that night.
Damn.
We’ll figure something out.
Just miss you, is all.
-Grey
FROM: [email protected] TO: [email protected]
DATE: September 28, 7:22am SUBJECT: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: College
Grey, I miss you, too.
Obviously.
Yeah.
We’ll figure something out.
-Ellie
20
Eleanor
We tried our best, but it was a struggle. As the weeks and months went on, Greyson and I kept missing each other, and even though we tried our best to keep in contact, life made it harder. Our schedules clashed, our timing was off, and it always felt as if we were just one second behind.
Our emails got shorter.
Life became busier.
Greyson and I each lived our lives on different timelines.
I held on to my promise to Mom to keep finding reasons to smile, though living with my father made it a little harder. He was still drowning, and I swore each day he pushed me further away. We were evolving in different ways, and the close bond we’d once shared was slowly diminishing.
Each day that passed, I kept finding my smiles. Each day that passed, I always had conversations with Mom, filling her in on the ups and downs of my life.
Even though some days were tough, I was finding a new form of happiness.
Because that was all I’d ever wanted to be: happy.
Just like the dragonflies buzzing by, every now and then Greyson East would cross my mind, and without any more thought than that, I’d smile. I never thought too deeply about him being on my mind. I just let the thoughts linger for however long they needed to. I learned to appreciate him somehow coming back to me, in a way. The best part of memories is how they can reappear from the most random things. I’d think of him when I saw red licorice, or whenever I flipped past a kung fu movie on television, or thought about the most defining moments of my life, he’d always show up during those moments of reflection.
I’d always be thankful for the memories and the way he’d held me up during the darkest moments of my life when all I had wanted to do was drown.
I also made a promise to myself that if life ever brought us back to each other, if the stars aligned and somehow our paths cross once more, I swore, like the waves on the shore, I’d completely crash into him.
Part II
“Love isn’t a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle.
To love someone is to strive to accept that person
exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.”
-Fred Rogers
21
Eleanor
Illinois, 2019
Riley Larson was turning five years old in two months, and I hadn’t stopped thinking about it. I’d been thinking about her turning five since the day I met her. Most people were excited when a child turned five. It meant they were off to school to learn and grow and become more of the person they were meant to be. To me, though…to me it felt like a kiss of death.
Because, when Riley turned five, that meant she was off to kindergarten, and what was the point of a nanny when a child was in kindergarten all day?
For after-school activities? That was when a parent brought in a babysitter, not a nanny. Soon enough I’d be replaced by a thirteen-year-old girl who would gladly accept twenty bucks to watch Riley.
I’d been dreading the day Riley’s mother, Susan, asked me to meet up with her for brunch to talk while her husband had a ‘daddy and me’ day with Riley. Nothing good ever came from brunch conversations with your boss, except for the bottomless mimosas I was gulping down to tame my nerves.
“I really am sorry, Eleanor. You have been nothing but a saint to our family since we took on your services five years ago. I mean, heck, you’ve been with us since Riley was four months, and there’s no way we could’ve survived without you. It’s just that with Riley going off to kindergarten next year…” Her words trailed off as she readjusted herself in her chair.