Echo (Bleeding Hearts #1)(34)

“Why me? Of all the people in the world you could have, why did it have to be me?”

He stared at the ground then up at the sky, as if the answers were up there, out of his reach.

“It couldn’t have been anyone else, Brighton,” he replied in a haunted tone. “Even if I hadn’t been looking for you, there was no way I could have missed you. There’s something about you I can’t explain. But whatever it is, it makes me want you in ways I can’t even describe. It wasn’t because you’re the perfect pawn, even though you are. It was because I wanted you, and nobody else would ever do.”

His words left a bitter taste in my mouth, and a strange ache inside of my chest. But there was warmth too. That was the way it always went with him. Pleasure and pain. They were never two separate entities, but one. And apparently, it didn’t matter to my reptilian brain.

It didn’t matter that he’d openly admitted I was a pawn, or that if I sat back and really thought about what he was doing I would be able to see it for what it was. I couldn’t take a step back from this situation. I was wrapped right up in the midst of it. Somehow, some way, I had landed in Ryland Bennett’s sights, and now all I could do was hold on for the ride.

There was a deep sense of dread when I thought about what would become of me once this was over. Of what would be left. Because, it would end eventually. And when the dust had settled and Ryland had gotten what he wanted and taken his fill of me, I would have Brayden back. But a part of me feared I would be nothing more than an empty shell. Longing for a man who was the worst kind of wrong for me. The kind who would hurt me at any opportunity he got. And it was this very realization that gave me the courage to break from his hold and walk away.



***



“Everything okay?” Nicole asked as I stepped back into the apartment. “You were gone for a long time.”

“Everything’s fine.” I gave her a soft smile. “How are you doing?”

She stared out the floor to ceiling glass windows of our apartment, taking in the view as she did so often. I wished I could pry whatever was bothering her out of her head, but if there was one thing I’d learned about Nicole, it was I couldn’t rush her. I had to let her speak on her own terms, revealing little parts of herself layer by layer. I used to think I was a guarded person. But now that I’d seen the likes of her and Ryland, I knew it wasn’t true.

“It’s just this day,” she explained. “It was the birthday of someone who was very special to me. I mentioned him to you once.”

“Your ex-boyfriend?”

She shook her head. “He wasn’t my ex. We were still together when he passed away.”

I wrapped my arms around myself and squeezed tight, unsure what to say. I’d never been good at comforting people. And I was even less comfortable with the subject of death. I wasn’t sure how to deal with it. The closest I’d come to losing anyone was having my father run out on us when I was a baby. But that was a choice, not a force of circumstance, and I didn’t even remember who he was.

“I’m really sorry, Nicole. I didn’t know.”

“We were supposed to get married.” She looked up at me with bleary eyes. “We were both young, but we knew that’s what we wanted. I know we would have too.”

“I’m sure he loved you very much,” I agreed. “I don’t see how anyone couldn’t, Nicole. You’re an amazing woman.”

She collapsed onto the sofa, and her entire body shook as she broke into sobs.

“He was my whole world,” she insisted. “I never would have betrayed him. But he’s gone now, and I still feel obligated… like I can’t move on. I know I shouldn’t be saying these things, God, I sound like such an awful person. But its how I feel. Like I’m standing still. The whole world is moving around me, but I’m stuck in a different time and place.”

“Nicole.” I reached for her hands and squeezed them in mine, putting as much conviction into my voice as I could muster. “You aren’t dishonoring him by moving on. I’m sure he would have wanted you to be happy. He would have wanted you to have a life, even if he couldn’t be a part of it.”

“He won’t let me,” she cried. “He won’t let me move on.”

I stared at her in confusion. “Who won’t?”

She snapped her attention back to me and bit her lip as though she’d said too much. I’d heard about how grief could really mess with a person’s head, and I wondered if that’s what was happening here. I wanted to ask her more about it, but before I could she stood up and wiped away her tears.

“I need some sleep,” she said. “I’m tired, and I’m not even making any sense right now. I’m sorry, Brighton. I didn’t mean to put all of this onto you.”

“It’s okay,” I reassured her. “That’s what I’m here for. I’m your friend, and I want you to talk to me. About anything.”

Instead of comforting her, my words had the opposite effect, and I wasn’t sure why. But Nicole gave me a tight smile as she said good night and padded off to her room.





Chapter Fifteen



Ryland avoided me the entire next day at work, and I was grateful.

I wasn’t in the mood to smile for my co-workers, so I kept to my desk most of the day. By the time I left work at five, I was exhausted. But I needed to go to the store to get some groceries. The apartment had very little left in it, and I was in the mood for something with carbs.