Dream a Little Dream (Chicago Stars, #4)(185)

“What do you mean? I know lots about you.”

“Like what?”

“I know your parents, the house where you grew up. I know that you broke your arm two years ago. I know lots of things.”

“A hundred people know things. But they don’t know me. Who I am.”

“You’re a decent, hardworking Christian woman, that’s who.”

It was no use. She had tried to talk honestly to him, but he wouldn’t hear. She began to stand on the bench. “I have to go.”

“No!” He drew her back down. In the process, her breast brushed the side of his arm. He drew back as if he’d touched radioactive waste.

“Look, I’m—I’m not trying to offend you. Your sex life is your business, not mine, but, as your pastor, I’m here to advise you.”

She hardly ever got angry, but that sparked her temper. “I’m not asking for advice, Ethan, because I’ve already made up my mind! That condom is in my purse because I’m making changes in my life, and I want to be ready for them.”

“Sex before marriage is a sin.” He didn’t sound at all like himself. He shifted uneasily next to her, as if he realized he was being unbearably pompous. Once again, his gaze seemed to linger on her breasts. He looked away.

She spoke forcefully. “I believe it’s a sin, too. But I also believe there’s a hierarchy of sins. Don’t try to tell me that murder and sexual molestation don’t rank a lot higher on the list than a thirty-year-old unmarried woman finally deciding she’s had enough of being a virgin.”

She waited for him to express some surprise at her untouched state, but he didn’t, and her spirits sank even lower as she realized he assumed she was a virgin.

“With whom do you intend to have it?”

“I don’t know yet, but I’m looking. He obviously has to be unmarried and intelligent. And sensitive.” She emphasized the last word, so that he’d understand this was a quality he’d never possess in a thousand years.

He bristled like a porcupine. “I can’t believe you’re ready to throw away a lifetime of propriety for a few carnal thrills.”

He was sounding stuffier by the minute. “What’s propriety gotten me? I have nothing that’s important to me. No husband, no children. I don’t even have a job I like.”

“You don’t like your job?” He sounded both hurt and mystified.

“No, Ethan. I don’t like it.”

“Why didn’t you ever say anything?”

“Because I’ve been a wimp. It was safer for me to be depressed about my life than make changes.”

“Then why did you stay all these years?”

That was one question she couldn’t answer honestly. He probably knew anyway that she’d stayed because she was in love with him. “Fear of change. But I’m not afraid any longer.”


“Rachel is responsible for this, isn’t she?”

“Why do you dislike her so much?”

“Because she’s taking advantage of Gabe.”

Kristy didn’t believe that at all, but Ethan was in no frame of mind to listen to reason. “You’re right. Rachel is responsible because she’s given me courage. I’ve never met a woman I admire more. She’s living her life on the edge of catastrophe, but she never complains, and she works harder than anyone I know.”

“Gabe’s made it easy for her. He’s given her a job and a car. He lets her stay in Annie’s cottage and pays for Edward’s day care.”

“That’s confidential. And Rachel has given Gabe a hundred times what he’s given her. It’s as if he’s come alive since she’s been here. He even laughs sometimes.”

“His grieving has run its course, that’s all. It has nothing to do with her. Nothing!”

Arguing about this with him was hopeless. For some reason, he was determined to be blind and stubborn when it came to Rachel.

His mouth set in a stubborn line. “I’d appreciate it if you’d at least give me the courtesy of two weeks’ notice instead of leaving me in the lurch.”

He had a point. Quitting like that hadn’t been right, no matter what he’d done. She thought about how difficult it would be seeing him every day for the next two weeks. Still, she’d been doing it for eight years. What difference would another two weeks make? And it would be nice to have a paycheck while she looked for a new job. “All right. But only if you keep your nose out of my private life. And my wardrobe.”

“I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings, Kristy. It was the shock of seeing you look so different.”

She rose from the table. “I’m chilly. I’m going back inside now.”

“I wish you wouldn’t do that.”

“Forget the two weeks’ notice.”

“All right. Sorry. Go on in. You can sit with Gabe and me.”

“No. I want to dance.”

“I’ll dance with you.”

“That’ll be a big treat.” Obviously he thought the only way he could save her from sin was to force himself to dance with her.

“Why are you being so difficult?”

“Because I like it!” Her heart pounded. She was never rude, but she couldn’t seem to help it, and the words kept rushing out. “Because I’m tired of twisting my own life in ten directions just to make things easier for other people.”