Downfall(2)

For the last year, it had been one thing after another. Blow after blow. I couldn’t believe I was still standing. And if it weren’t for the precious bundle clutched in my arms, there was a solid chance I wouldn’t be. There was no way I could stay down when my daughter needed me to get back up after every new hit. I was going to take the damn beating that life seemed determined to foist on me, but I was never, ever going to let Noble see the bruises. It didn’t matter what lengths I had to go to, what lies I had to tell, or what part of this dreadful city I had to hide away in.

“Mommy?” Noble’s tired voice jolted me out of my thoughts and I realized I’d made it two more blocks on autopilot. That wasn’t good. I was supposed to be keeping watch for any number of threats that could jump out at us from any number of places. Reflexively, my fingers tightened on the cylinder of pepper spray that dangled from my keys.

“Go back to sleep, sweetie. We’re almost home.” I cringed as I said it. The rundown, dingy apartment was never going to feel like home, no matter how well adjusted my kid was.

“I’m hungry. I want cake.” She leaned back in my hold, her bright blue eyes that were identical to mine gleamed with mischief. She was such a happy little girl. It was like she was completely immune to the filth that surrounded her every time she stepped outside her very pink bedroom. The sheer innocence of children was nothing short of amazing.

I huffed out a laugh and wrinkled my nose at her. “Are you sure Mrs. Sanchez didn’t already give you dessert?” I wondered why Mr. Sanchez had such an issue with the fact that my daughter looked distinctly different than the rest of the kids his wife watched. She sounded different as well, which was something he’d pointed out more than once when I went to pick her up. There was no hiding the fact that Noble had started off life with privileges most of the kids in this neighborhood would never know. It didn’t seem to matter that she couldn’t tell the difference between herself and other kids her age, or that I no longer had the means to give her every little thing under the sun. She was exactly like the rest of the children in this derelict part of the city now. It broke my heart whenever I thought about it. I was supposed to protect her from the things that could harm her, and I’d only managed to do an okay job thus far. It was hard when I was on my own, but better that way.

Noble smiled, that crooked grin lighting up the night, making the places warm inside of me that felt frozen and brittle.

“She gave me a churr-oh.” She stumbled a little over the words and drew the ‘o’ out in a silly way. “But that’s not cake.”

I guess she had a point.

“I’ll see what I can do when we get home.” I already knew there was no cake. There was rarely anything sweet. I couldn’t afford to indulge, but I did steal her a cookie or cupcake whenever someone at the salon celebrated a birthday or special occasion. I tried to remember if I had anything stashed somewhere I could give her. Right now, her request seemed like the easiest problem to tackle out of all the ones that were piling up.

“Hey.” I jolted at the sound of a deep voice way too close. A screech that, at one point, I would have attributed to a cat, but now knew more than likely belonged to a rat, sent a shiver down my spine. I watched a man step out of the shadows shrouding a nearby alley directly in front of me.

I could see the stoop of our building and the bundle of dirty clothes that indicated that Lester, the homeless guy who called the stairs out front home, was already passed out for the night. We were a hundred yards away. So close yet so far.

I should’ve seen him lurking. I should have been more vigilant. I was just so damn tired and feeling so hopeless. No matter how hard I tried, my best never seemed to be enough.

I took a deep breath and put a protective hand on the back of Noble’s head. She complained about me pushing her face back down into the hollow of my neck, but she was a smart girl and easily picked up on the tension that stiffened me from head to toe.

I knew the rules. Keep walking. Don’t make eye contact. Don’t engage or act afraid.

The first few were easy enough to follow; it was that last rule which was a real bitch. I was afraid, and it bled out of me so strongly I was sure the man purposely blocking my way to the apartment could smell it.

I tried to take a step to the side so I could walk around him, but he followed my movement. I went so far as to step off the curb and into the street to evade him, but he followed. I clutched Noble tighter to my chest and forced myself to breathe.

“Move.” I wasn’t nice, or timid, when I said it. That was one thing I appreciated about this place, maybe the only thing. There was no reason to play nice with everyone, because chances were the other person was out to get you. It was the first time in my life I’d freely spoken my mind whenever and wherever I wanted. It was liberating, but it wasn’t getting me anywhere with the man in front of me.

He was several inches taller than me. He had a shaved head and nasty-looking eyes. They were small, narrow, bloodshot, and locked on me like he was envisioning every horrible thing he could possibly do to me. He was the cold, slithering snake, and I was the helpless, fuzzy mouse dropped unwillingly into his cage. Predator and prey. It wasn’t a nice feeling at all.

“Pretty little thing, ain’t ya?” His tongue darted out to lick his lower lip, and if I hadn’t been holding onto Noble, I would have pepper sprayed him then and there. “Not in Oz anymore, are you, babe?”