Down to My Soul (Soul Series Book 2)(85)

I need to talk to Kai. She always helps me sort my shit. I wouldn’t even be wrestling with this had it not been for her forcing me . . . er, encouraging me . . . to go to counseling. I’m dialing her number before I think twice about it, not even factoring in the lateness of the hour, the time difference, nothing. Just as I’m realizing it’s about three in the morning there, and am about to disconnect, I hear my song Lost ringing up the staircase. The closer I get, I think it’s coming from my bedroom.

I cross the threshold, and sure enough, Kai is curled up asleep fully clothed on my bed, the phone ringing by her side. She sits up groggily, patting the bed to search for the phone. I’m there before she can even get to it, pulling her up, sitting on the edge of the bed and straddling her over me, knees on either side of my legs.

“Hey, what are you doing here?” I bury my head in her hair and her neck, inhaling cinnamon and pear. “I mean, you’re great to come home to, but I was on my way back to Glory Falls tomorrow night.”

She nods into my neck, her fingers clutching my elbows, her slight frame pressing into me.

“I know.” She lays her temple to my shoulder. “I needed to talk to you.”

“You okay?” I tug on the hair streaming down her back until she’s forced to look at me. I know what she looks like at peace. The tumult in those beautiful eyes fists my heart. “What’s wrong, Pep? Aunt Ruthie?”

“No.” She remains on my lap, but scoots back a little, legs folded under her thighs on the bed, arms crossed over her waist. “Aunt Ruthie’s fine. She’s good.”

Her eyes drop again, so I palm her chin, tilting her face back up to me.

“What’s going on?”

She closes her eyes and swallows, pressing her lips together.

“My dad came to see me.”

Of all the things I would have imagined she’d say, that never entered my mind.

“Your father? Your real dad?”

“Yeah. He, um, saw on the news that I collapsed at the concert and was in the hospital. He said he wanted to make sure I was okay. When he heard no one knew where I was, he took a chance and checked Glory Falls.”

“Wanted to make sure you were okay?” I squeeze her thighs, wishing I had five minutes alone with his no-show ass. “After all these years he just happens to get concerned when he sees you on television?”

She nods, her eyes unfocused over my shoulder.

“Exactly what I said.”

“Hey.” I tug her chin so she looks at me. “You okay? Talk to me. What did he have to say for himself?”

A tear slides down one cheek, and she swipes at it before it makes it very far. She tucks a chunk of dark hair behind her ear, a humorless smile on her lips.

“Not enough. He didn’t say enough to make up for any of it.” She sighs, folding a little to press her forehead to my chest. “Growing up, I used to think there was an explanation. Something we never could have thought of. Like, maybe he was secretly a spy, and for our sake, he had to go into witness protection. Only no one could know, not even us.”

Her laugh is a short, dry bark in the quiet bedroom.

“But he was just weak. He fell in love with someone else and chose her over his family.” She shrugs her slim shoulders. “A liar. A cheat. That’s all.”

I brush a hand over the dark hair tumbling around her shoulders and down her back. God, I hate that guy. The pain comes off her in waves, and if I could take it all, absorb it all into myself, I would.

“I’m sorry, Pep. I can’t even imagine what you’re feeling right now. That’s a lot to deal with.”

“He said he felt trapped in Glory Falls and never wanted to be a preacher. He felt trapped in their marriage, Rhyson.”

She shakes her head, another tear sneaking past her eyelids.

“It would have killed Mama to hear him say that. I’m glad he never came back if that’s all he had to say for himself.”

She pulls back to study me, her eyes holding more than pain. Holding something I can’t quite figure out yet.

“Maybe one good thing came out of his visit.” She drops her eyes before looking back to me, even though it feels like she’s forcing herself to. “My Aunt Ruthie used to say that I was more like my father than I wanted to admit. That I was just as much his daughter as I was my mother’s.”

I nod, not wanting to admit Aunt Ruthie basically told me the same thing.

“Maybe she was right.” Kai bites her lip before going on. “Maybe the only legacy he has for me is the lesson of his mistakes.”

“Okay.” I frown a little, running a thumb over the high curve of her cheekbone. “Baby, what does that mean?”

“He said he hoarded his secrets, hid all the darkest things. The people who loved him most never really knew him. Not in the ways that matter. He said he ran when he couldn’t face the consequences of his actions.” She doesn’t lift her gaze any higher than my chest. “He’s a runner and a hider.”

She closes her eyes, dropping her head to my chest.

“And so am I,” she whispers.

Those few words cause a ripple in my peace of mind. Why is she talking to me about running and hiding and secrets? We’re done with all of that. So why, when she raises her eyes to my face, does she look so damn guilty? So afraid?