Down to My Soul (Soul Series Book 2)(37)

It is, without a doubt, the simplest, goofiest song maybe ever written, but there is something about the lyrics. Something about the defiant, doubt-us-if-you-dare, na?ve hope of a love like the one we’re singing about. It grips me. Our eyes hold, and before I know it, our smiles fade. There’s no one on this boardwalk but us. The sunset is ours alone, and I’m singing a promise to the only girl I’ve ever loved. And miraculously, after all I did to destroy it, everything about her says she loves me back. If there’s a moment more perfect, I’ve never had it.

And unless it’s with Kai, I don’t want it.





KAI MAY BE THE ONLY PERSON who would get me in a room face to face with my parents. I’ve only seen them a handful of times outside of a courtroom since I emancipated. One of those times, last year, I fondly refer to as Bloody Christmas. Another was necessitated by threat of death when my father had a heart attack. Even after his apology, my visits to him as he rehabilitated were infrequent. A whispered half-apology when he was wired up like Frankenstein and mere heartbeats from death doesn’t bridge the chasm the years have created between us. As for my mother, I’ve met dentures less fake.

“I first want to commend you all for coming today,” Dr. Ramirez, our counselor, adjusts her glasses and leans back in the leather armchair like the ones my parents and I occupy. “Taking the time to repair these relational breeches is a positive step that many never take.”

I fix my eyes on her instead of looking at my mother and father. She has kind eyes behind her glasses. Well-meaning eyes, I’m sure, but I’m not convinced she can perform a miracle we haven’t been able to achieve in almost fifteen years of enmity.

My father and mother seem as determined to not look at me as I am to not look at them. Tension clogs the air, that hand gripping my throat the way it always does after more than five minutes with them. I reach to loosen my collar, but there isn’t one on my Ramones t-shirt. I’m choking from the inside.

“This is our first session.” Dr. Ramirez tucks a dark strand of hair behind one ear. “So we won’t go too deep today, but I would like to hear from each of you. Tell me what you hope to get out of this. Why you’re here. Rhyson, why don’t we start with you? Why are you here today?”

“My girlfriend made me come.”

Shit. I should at least try to sound less coerced. Well, cards on the table, I guess.

“What girlfriend?” My mother finally turns her eyes my way. “I thought you and Kai broke up.”

Like it’s your business.

I just stare back at her for a few seconds, not sure how to respect Kai’s wish for secrecy and still be honest. Before I can figure that out, my mother goes on.

“I saw her at Grady’s wedding.” She shrugs. “We talked briefly.”

Remembering how snooty my mother was to Kai at the hospital when my father had his heart attack, I immediately want to figure out how she may have insulted her. Dr. Ramirez doesn’t leave time for that, though.

“Why did your girlfriend . . .” She nods to my mother. “Ex-girlfriend want you to come, if you don’t mind sharing?”

I could brush this whole process off, just be a body in a comfy seat once a week, but Kai is trusting me to actually try. Her trust isn’t something I’ll ever take for granted again, so I’ll actually try.

“We had a big blow out.” I cross an ankle over my knee, shrugging though talking about my fight with Kai feels anything but casual. “I did something stupid that she felt . . . feels . . . might be connected to unresolved issues with my parents.”

Interest deepens in Dr. Ramirez’s eyes, raises both brows.

“May I ask what that was?” At my sharp glance up she back-pedals a little. “If you don’t mind sharing. If you don’t want to . . .”

What the hell.

“She’s in the business, like me.” I give my parents a cursory glance before going on, realizing just how exposed my confession will leave me. How bad it could make me look. “She had an opportunity I didn’t feel good about, and I went behind her back to convince them to pass her over.”

“To pass Kai over?” my mother asks, a small frown between her neatly arched brows.

“Yeah.”

“Why did you do that, Rhyson?” Dr. Ramirez leans forward until her elbows rest on her knees, eyes intent.

“Because I love her.” I swallow hard, wishing I hadn’t started this. Already wishing I’d held more back.

“You love her so you went behind her back to deny her an opportunity?”

Well, when you put it that way, it sounds ridiculous.

“Maybe not my brightest moment,” I admit. “But at the time, it seemed like the best thing.”

“The best thing?” Dr. Ramirez presses.

“For her. She’s new to all of this and doesn’t know the pitfalls like I do.” I hold Dr. Ramirez’s eyes, hoping she’ll see past my * actions to my intentions. “I just wanted what was best for her. Honestly. That’s the only reason I did that.”

“And she didn’t agree?” Dr. Ramirez asks.

“No, she thought it was controlling and manipulative.” A hoarse laugh barges past my lips. “She might have a point. She thinks control and love get mixed up for me because of everything that happened with my parents.”