Down to My Soul (Soul Series Book 2)(32)

“Since you asked.” I give him a careful glance like my next words might set him off. “The family counseling that Grady keeps bringing up? I think you should do it.”

He closes his eyes tightly and presses his lips against his teeth.

“Pep, that won’t—”

“Hear me out.” I tangle my fingers in the thick hair hanging past his ears, holding his eyes with mine. “I know you hate it when I say this, but there’s a pattern. The same way your parents controlled you and called it love, you have the potential to do that. Not on purpose, but it’s the way you were first loved.”

He swallows, lowering his lashes before looking back at me.

“That will prove to you that I’m serious about this? That will make you feel good about coming back to me?”

“You make me feel good about coming back to you.” I shake my head, cupping his jaw. “Do you think I didn’t miss you, too? I did. I just . . . I don’t want us to go through that again the next time you don’t like a move I’m making.”

“Don’t ask me to stand by and watch you get hurt or taken advantage of, Kai.” His jaw flexes beneath my fingers as he grits his teeth. “No amount of counseling will get me to do that.”

“Can we just talk about it? Don’t go behind my back. Don’t undercut me. Manipulate me.” I bite my lip to stop because the more I say, the more the anger and hurt rush back. “The counseling, it’s a start. It’s a step. That’s all.”

“All right.” Rhyson gives a jerky nod, flipping onto his back and linking his hands behind his head, eyes fixed on the ceiling. “I’ll do it. Grady’ll set it up.”

“Good.” I snuggle into his side, slipping my arm across the hard plane of his stomach.

“I have my own conditions.” He twists a chunk of my hair around his hand, gently tugging until I have to look at him. “Remember after the tour, we go public.”

Fear and anxiety slosh around in my belly. That gives me a month to find Drex. To kill this threat before Rhyson or anyone else sees that sex tape. There has to be more we can do. I’ll have San redouble his efforts and press his contacts a little harder. Last night proved I can’t stay away from Rhyson, but if I’m giving us just this slice of time together before I go back on the road, I’ll have to be extra careful.

“Kai?” Rhyson asks. “You agree? Once the tour is over, everyone knows about us.”

“Yeah.” I nod and meet his eyes. “I said so yesterday.”

“I need you to mean it.”

“Okay. Of course. After the tour. “

“It’s like we’re hitting the reset button.” He smiles the tiniest bit. “This is our fresh start. Our clean slate. No more lies. No more secrets.”

I stare at him for long seconds, and that last secret, which blossoms every day into a full-blown lie, gathers between us like an invisible storm cloud. I want to reset so badly. And after this tape is settled I will.

If something is built on a lie, can it still be real?

The question I asked myself so many times when I was trying to forgive Rhyson comes back to mock and challenge me.

“Yeah.” I drop my eyes from the eager light in his. “We’ll reset.”

“Thank you for forgiving me.” He tips my chin back so our eyes reconnect. “Nothing but trust from here. Promise.”

“Promise,” I whisper.

“In case I haven’t told you.” He brushes a thumb over my lips. “I’m so damn proud of you. You’re doing amazing. Everyone’s falling for you just like I knew they would. I want you to have that without all the speculation and the drama about me distracting from what should be your time.”

I didn’t expect the tears that burn my eyes when I hear him say he’s proud of me. Maybe I didn’t realize how much that meant to me until he said it. It means the world. Emotion stifles my words, so I just nod and manage a watery smile.

“In the meantime, we’ve got today.” Rhyson drags himself to sit up, back against the headboard, smiling down at me. “I wanna take you out.”

I frown, pulling myself up to sit beside him, sheet tucked beneath my arms, dropping my head to his shoulder.

“Doesn’t sound very low key to me, us being out in public together.”

“Ah, I have a plan, ye of little faith. I have a plan.”

“A plan, huh?” I pull my knees up to my chest under the sheet.

He tugs on the sheet gently at first, but then with a wicked grin, jerks it away and tosses it to the floor. I stand to my knees in the middle of the bed naked, scooting to the foot, and dive for the sheet. His hand nudging my shoulder stops me. He grips both my arms, inspecting my body.

“I did that?” He traces a finger over a black and blue bruise belting my waist.

I have bruises in unusual places. It’s not every day a girl gets bent over a piano and screwed out of her mind. I wanted it, needed it rough in the moment, but I’m paying for it now.

“No, the piano you bent me over last night did that.” I take his wrists and place them on my shoulders, pushing into him. “It doesn’t hurt, and it was worth it.”

“And your tired voice and weight loss.” He thumbs under my eyes where I know he’ll see shadows. “Exhaustion. Is that all worth it?”