Disillusioned (Swept Away, #2)(41)

“I’m sorry.” I bit my lower lip. “I don’t even know what to say.”

“You have to understand that my whole life has been about getting justice for my mother. For making her life, her pain, not be in vain. I’ve always wanted the people to pay for making her life a misery.”

“But it wasn’t really a misery, was it?” I said softly.

He stopped and frowned at me. “What do you mean?”

“She had you, right?” I gazed at his handsome and inscrutable face. His eyes were dark and heavy, and for a moment I could see the little boy in him. I could imagine him staring at his mother in confusion and sorrow, wondering why she was always sad. I could imagine the heartache of living with that every day and not being able to do anything about it.

“What do you mean, she had me?”

“She had a wonderful, handsome son. And she loved you, right?”

“She loved me because I was my father’s son.” He shrugged.

“No.” I shook my head. “She loved you in spite of that. She did everything for you. I remember you told me that. She did everything to make sure you succeeded. She loved you more than life itself. You were her reason for living.”

“I wasn’t enough to keep her living, though.”

“What do you mean?”

“It doesn’t matter.” He shook his head. “We have more pressing things to worry about.”

“I wish you would let me in a bit more.” I was sad that he wouldn’t discuss his feelings with me. Yes, I hated him for lying to me and I hated him for being a part of this whole craziness, but a part of me was happy. I was happy that he wasn’t this fictional evil character, Mattias. I was happy that our time on the island was real, at least in part. The feelings he had for me were genuine. I knew now that wasn’t part of his act. It wasn’t enough to make me forget everything that had happened, but he liked me. I shivered just thinking about how I felt when he touched me. I was so screwed.

“I’ve let you in more than anyone else in my life.” His voice was soft. “I’ve trusted you with information and thoughts and feelings that I’ve never trusted anyone with. Even when I thought your parents were part of the problem. Even when I was fighting that urge.”

“You really think my mother slept with your father?”

“I do.” He nodded.

“And why would that make my father bad?”

“Your father was the one who convinced my father not to be with my mother, and then your mother slept with my dad. So, yeah, it hurt your father as well, but he got what was coming to him.”

“It wasn’t my mother in the photo you sent me, you know.” I touched his shoulder softly. “My phone died so I couldn’t text you back, but that wasn’t her.”

“Are you sure?” He frowned, his eyes narrowed. “I was told that it was your mother.”

“Who told you that?”

“Larry.” Jakob clenched his fists. “Then he lied.”

“Why would he lie about that?” I rubbed my forehead. “He was good friends with my father. Why would he lie? It doesn’t make sense.”

“Oh, Bianca, how did we get to this place? The only thing I’m sure of right now is the burning passion I have for you. I crave you like a drug, Bianca. A drug I know is bad for me, but one I can’t stop myself from wanting and needing.” He gripped my shoulders and pulled me to him.

“We’re a mess, aren’t we?” I sighed and stared up into his eyes, feeling close to tears. “I feel numb, Jakob. A part of me feels so numb inside. I don’t even know what to think or feel anymore.”

“Let me be your warmth and strength, Bianca. Let me help to make you whole.” He gripped my shoulders. “This is bigger than both of us. There are things we—”

“Jakob,” I hissed at him, cutting him off. “Don’t turn around yet, but I want you to look at the beggar lady across the street.” I stared at her with her big Gucci sunglasses and old, shabby clothes. She was sitting almost directly across from us and she appeared to be staring in our direction. I studied her face as she smiled and thanked someone for giving her some money. My heart started racing as I saw the big, deep dimple in her right cheek. “Look at her face carefully,” I hissed at him, my words coming out fast.

“What am I looking for?” He frowned and I shook my head and stepped back. He turned around slowly and looked at the lady. She was looking away from us now, but I knew what I’d seen.

“Let’s go up to my apartment.” I grabbed his hand. “Hurry.” I ran toward the front door and got my keys out. “Come on.”

“What was I supposed to have seen?” He sounded confused, but I ignored him as we entered the building.

“Hold on.” I opened the door to my apartment and raced into the living room, then ran to grab my cell phone. I opened my text messages and scrambled to show him the photo he’d sent me. I stared at it for a few seconds and my heart started racing even faster. “Look at this.”

“What is it?” He grabbed my phone and looked down. “The photo of my dad and your mom?”

“That’s not my mom.” I was getting annoyed. “Are you slow? I just told you that. That isn’t my mom in the photograph, Jakob.” I took a deep breath to calm my irritation. “Look at the photo carefully.”