Dirty Little Secrets (Dirty Little #1)(14)

Caleb is amazing in bed. Amazing probably isn’t even the right word for it, but it’s the only one that pops up in my over-sexed mind at the moment. He’s attentive, and giving. Sex with him is probably—no, it’s definitely—the best sex I’ve ever had.

An icy cold chill dampens my buzz, because it’s the best sex I’ve ever had, and…heartbreakingly, I realize, it’s only temporary. I absolutely cannot get attached to having this. I can’t get used to this feeling, because I’m not going to stay here in New York. Andre Privya is looking for me, right now, and he probably has a plan of action, unlike me. Sadness creeps up, washing over me, making me feel heavy and weak.

Caleb isn’t some great guy that I’ve met in a new city, where a world of possibility is waiting at my feet. This thing we have—whatever it is—is on a timer. It has an expiration date. If I’m lucky, I can manage a graceful exit, ease my way out of it with an excuse, or a lie. I can tell him I’m homesick, or that things just aren’t working out between us. I can make up some ex-boyfriend that I want to get back together with, and hope he leaves it at that, without asking any questions.


I can hope this thing just fizzles out, instead of exploding. Maybe this was just a one-night thing, and I’m worrying for nothing. Maybe he’ll wake up, and I’ll pull on the same clothes I wore last night, grab the bag that holds everything I brought to the city with me, and he’ll walk me to the door and tell me he had a great time. Maybe that will be it.

I slide my hand across Caleb’s arm, and he lets out this sleepy little noise as he pulls me even closer. His erection is pressing against the small of my back, and I want to turn around in his arms and kiss him awake. I want to sling my leg over his waist, and ride him until he cries out my name. I want to make him feel as good as he made me feel last night, into the morning.

Oh, god. What was I thinking? I left Chicago with the sole purpose of finding a safe place where I could plan my way out of the mess I’d gotten into. Here I am, just as clueless about how to do that as I was four days ago, and I walked straight into another mess in the making. I let a handsome face and charming personality make me forget about pretty much everything. It’s been nice, not feeling like I’m living on borrowed time, or like everything in the world is about to come crashing down around me. I like being with Caleb.

It’s the newness talking, I know this. It’s the promise of the honeymoon phase, when everything is perfect and the sex is never-ending, and both of us are still mysteries to each other. This is the time before reality hits, when I don’t know what a slob Caleb is, or that he has the habit of putting empty cartons of milk back in the refrigerator, or that he picks his teeth at stoplights.

I know I’m getting ahead of myself. I know this. I need to enjoy the here and the now, whether it lasts for another fifteen minutes, or…however long. I just can’t shake the feeling that this is good, that I’m safe here with him. I also can’t shake the thought of the way I know he’ll look at me when I tell him what I did that brought me here in the first place. Foolish as it is, I want to push that moment as far off into the future as possible.

What I need to do is enjoy the feeling of being wrapped in his arms while I have it. I need to feel safe and secure while I can.

So, I close my eyes, and let myself drift.





* * * * *





It’s well after 11 a.m. when I open my eyes again. When I wake this time, I’ve got my head resting on Caleb’s chest, and he’s running his fingers through my hair.

“Morning,” he says, looking down at me. His voice is low and sleepy, and his eyes still have that slightly puffy early morning look, so I know that he hasn’t been awake for very long. He’s smiling, and that smile is a really nice thing to see first thing when I wake up.

“Good morning,” I reply, stretching out as much as I can, considering I’m all wrapped up against Caleb’s body. Not that I’m complaining. No, not at all. The move makes me press into his side, and my nipples tighten as they rub against his skin. He cuddles me closer, sliding his arm around the small of my back. If I wasn’t so sore, I’m pretty sure I’d be pulling him on top of me right about now. Still, I lean into him, and take a deep breath. The man’s smell is like a drug to me.

“How did you sleep?”

“Well,” I say, pressing a kiss to his chest. “You?”

“Well.” He crooks his finger beneath my chin, then tilts my head up and kisses me. “I’m glad you stayed.”

I’m grinning at him like a loon, and I don’t care one bit. “I’m glad I stayed, too.”

“Last night was…” he takes a deep breath, like he’s trying to search for words.

“Amazing.” I kiss his chest again. I’m pretty sure this would be one of my favorite places to put my mouth on his body, even if it wasn’t the only one I could reach right now.

“Fucking amazing.”

“Literally.”

Caleb laughs, and pulls me on top of him. My thighs come to rest on either side of his hips, and I wince at the ache I feel when he moves me. It’s worth it, though, being in this spot.

“Sore?” he asks, running his hands down the small of my back, and over my ass, stopping when he reaches my thighs.