Deity (Covenant #3)(23)

I squinted, but saw nothing. “I thought you said I was fearless.”

“You usually are.” Suddenly, he was in front of me and his scent was driving me to distraction. “Which is why being scared now is so hard for you. Being afraid isn’t a weakness, Alex. It’s only a sign of something you must overcome.”

“Fear is a weakness.” Expecting him to still be in front of me, I decided to go along with him. I threw an elbow out, but he wasn’t there. And then he was at my back, his breath dancing along the back of my neck. I swung around, grasping air. “What are you afraid of?”

A whoosh of air and he was behind me again. “This isn’t about me, Alex. You’re afraid of losing yourself.”

“Of course not. What was I thinking?” I whipped around, cursing when he was gone. This was making me dizzy. “So why don’t you tell me what I’m afraid of, oh-fearless-one?”

“You’re scared of becoming something you have no control over.” He caught my arm as I swung toward the sound of his voice. “That scares you to death.” He let go, backing off.

He was right, and because of that, anger and embarrassment flooded me. Out of the darkness surrounding me, there was patch thicker than the rest. I threw myself at him. Anticipating the move, he caught me by the shoulders. I swung out, catching him in the stomach and chest.

Aiden pushed me back. “You’re angry because I’m right.”

A hoarse sound moved up my throat. I clamped my mouth shut and swung again. My elbow connected with something. “A Sentinel is never afraid. They’d never tuck tail and run.”

“Are you tucking tail and running, Alex?”

The air stirred around me, and I jumped, narrowly missing what was probably a perfect leg sweep. “No!”

“That’s not what it sounded like earlier,” he said. “You wanted to take Lucian up on his offer. Visit Ireland?”

“I… I was…” Dammit, I hated it when he was right.

Aiden laughed from somewhere in the darkness.

I followed the sound. Going too far, too caught up in my anger, I lost my sense of balance when I attacked. Aiden caught my arm, but neither of us could gain our footing in the darkness. When I fell, he came with me. I landed on my back, with Aiden right on top of me.

Aiden caught my wrists before I could hit him again, pinning them above my head and down on the mats. “You always let your emotions get the best of you, Alex.”

I tried to push him off, not trusting myself to speak. A sob was rising in my throat as I wiggled under him, managing to get one leg free.

“Alex,” he warned softly. He pressed down, and when he breathed in, his chest rose against mine. In the utter darkness of the sensory deprivation room, his breath was warm against my lips. I didn’t dare move. Not even a fraction of an inch.

His grip around my wrists slackened and his hand slipped over my shoulder, cupping my cheek. My heart was trying to come out of my chest in those seconds and every muscle locked up, tensed with anticipation. Was he going to kiss me? No. My lip was busted, but if he did, I wouldn’t stop him and I knew that was so wrong. Chills went down my spine, and I relaxed under him.

“It’s okay to be afraid, Alex.”

I threw my head back then, wanting to be far away from him as much as I wanted to be right where I was.

“But you have nothing to fear.” He guided my chin down with gentle fingers. “When will you learn?” His voice was heavy, gruff. “You’re the only person who has control over who you become. You’re too strong to ever lose yourself. I believe that. Why can’t you?”

My breath came out shaky. His faith in me was nearly my undoing. The swelling in my chest would’ve lifted me off the mats. Several moments passed before I could speak. “What are you afraid of?” I asked again.

“I thought you said I was afraid of nothing once,” he threw back.

“I did.”

Aiden shifted slightly and his thumb caressed the curve of my cheek. “I’m afraid of something.”

“What?” I whispered.

He drew in a deep, shuddering breath. “I’m afraid of never being allowed to feel what I do.”

Chapter 7

THE AIR HITCHED AS I TRIED TO BREATHE. I WISHED I could see his face, his eyes. I wanted to know what he was thinking right at this moment, to touch him. But I lay there, my heart the only part of me that was moving.


His thumb brushed my cheek once more. “That’s what scares me.” Then he lifted himself off me. He backed up, the mats rolling under his unsteady step. “I’ll be in the other training room when you’re ready… to walk back to your dorm.”

There was a brief flash of light from the outside training rooms when he slipped out the door and then darkness covered me again.

I didn’t move but my brain raced on. He was afraid of never being allowed to feel what he did. Gods, I wasn’t stupid, but I wished I was. I knew what he meant and also knew it didn’t mean a damn thing. Part of me was angry, because he dared to say it when all it did was make my chest heavy with an aching want—a want so intense that it felt like it could crush me under its weight. And why admit it now, when I’d begged him before to just tell me he felt the same and he’d denied it? What was so different now?

And he was right about the other thing. I was terrified of becoming something I couldn’t control, of losing myself to the bond, to Seth. It seemed like, even if I got past all the other obstacles in my way, there was that one—the one I couldn’t hurdle over with good oie Alex recklessness.