Deity (Covenant #3)(22)

“That is such bull, Alex.”

I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. I’d argued to stay at the Covenant so I could become a Sentinel. And I knew, deep down, I still wanted to become one for my mom, for me, but I wasn’t sure it was what I needed anymore. Or what I could agree with if I was honest with myself. After seeing those servants slaughtered on the floor and no one cared… no one came to help them.

I wasn’t sure I could be a part of any of this.

“You’ve never been one to wallow in self-pity when the odds are stacked against you.”

My jaw snapped. “I’m not wallowing in self-pity, Aiden.”

“Really?” he said so softly. “Just like you aren’t settling for Seth?”

Oh, good gods, not what I wanted to hear. “I’m not settling.” Liar, whispered an evil voice in my head. “I don’t want to talk about Seth.”

He looked away for a second and then settled on me again. “I cannot believe you’ve forgiven him for what… for what he did to you.”

“That wasn’t his fault, Aiden. Seth didn’t give me the brew. He didn’t force—”

“He still knew better!”

“I’m not talking to you about this.” I started to back away.

The hand beside him clenched. “So you are still… with him?”

Part of me wondered what had happened to the Aiden who held me in his arms when I’d told him about my father. That version had been easier to deal with. Then again, obviously I wasn’t behaving like the person I was before either. And a part of me liked the way he said “him”—as if the very name made him want to punch something. “Define ‘with,’ Aiden.”

He stared.

I tipped my head up. “Do you mean am I hanging out with him or are we just friends? Or did you mean to ask if we’re sleeping together?”

His eyes narrowed into thin slits that shone a fierce silver.

“And why are you asking, Aiden?” I pulled back, and he let go. “Whatever the answer is doesn’t even matter.”

“But it does.”

I thought about the marks and what they meant. “You have no idea. It doesn’t. It’s fate, remember?” I grabbed for my bag again, but he caught my arm again. I looked up, exhaling slowly. “What do you want from me?”

Realization crept over his expression, softening the hue of his eyes. “You’re afraid.”

“What?” I laughed, but it came out sounding like a nervous croak. “I’m not afraid.”

Aiden’s eyes drifted over my head and determination settled into his eyes. “Yes. You are.” Without saying anything else, he turned me around and pulled me toward the sensory deprivation chamber.

My eyes shot wide. “What are you doing?”

He kept pulling until we stopped in front of the door. “Do you know what they use this for?”

“Um, to train?”

Aiden glanced down at me, smiling tightly. “Do you know how ancient warriors trained? They used to fight Deimos and Phobos, who used the warriors’ worst fears against them during battle.”

“Thanks for the daily weird god history lesson, but—”

“But since the gods of Fear and Terror have been off the circuit for awhile, they created this chamber. They believe that fighting using only your other senses to guide you is the best way to hone your skills and face your fears.”

“Fears of what?”

He opened the door and a black hole greeted us. “Whatever fears are holding you back.”

I dug in my heels. “I’m not afraid.”

“You’re terrified.”

“Aiden, I am two seconds from—” My own surprised shriek cut me off as he hauled me into the chamber, shutting the door behind him, casting the room in utter darkness. My breath froze in my throat. “Aiden… I can’t see anything.”

“That’s the point.”

“Well, thanks, Captain Obvious.” I reached out blindly, but only felt air. “What do you expect me to do in here?” As soon as the question left my mouth, I was assaulted with totally inappropriate images of all the things we could do in here.

“We fight.”

Well, that blew. I inhaled, catching the scent of spice and ocean. Slowly, I lifted my hand. My fingers brushed against something hard and warm—his chest? Then there was nothing but empty space. Oh gods, this wasn’t going to be good at all.

Suddenly, he grasped my arm and spun me around. “Get into stance.”

“Aiden, I really don’t want to do this right now. I am tired and I got kicked in the—”

“Excuses,” he said, his breath dangerously close to my lips.

I locked up.

His hand was gone. “Get into stance.”

“I am.”

Aiden sighed. “No you’re not.”

“How do you know?”

“I can tell. You haven’t moved,” he said. “Now get into stance.”

“Jeez, are you like a cat that can see in the dark or something?” When he didn’t respond, I groaned and moved into the stance: arms halfway up, legs spread, and feet rooted in place. “All right.”

“You need to face your fears, Alex.”