Deep (Stage Dive, #4)(43)

“What then?” I asked, both wanting and dreading knowing.

He hesitated, hiding another smile behind his hurt hand.

“Total honesty. Come on.”

“Pretty sure you don’t want to hear me talking about my dick.”

“Your, um, your dick?”

“Yeah.”

“Huh. How much have you had to drink?”

“Not nearly enough for this.” The smile he gave me, I nearly came on the spot. The fact that it came framed in his particularly sleek-looking beard almost did me in. I knew exactly how his facial hair felt against me. So stimulating. Never had I wanted to rub my cheek and other pertinent parts against someone’s face more. When it came to that night in Vegas, my memory was way too good.

“You asked if I’d had sex since I found out about the baby,” he said. “Answer’s no.”

“Yeah right.” I laughed.

“I’m serious. Nothing since that night. Haven’t even come close.”

Wow. “Why?”

“I don’t know. Guess I lost my libido.” He scratched at his chin. “Wasn’t even interested. Just … nothing.”

“You couldn’t get it up?” I asked, mildly horrified, and much too curious. Ben always seemed so virile.

“I didn’t want to get it up,” he said. “There’s a difference.”

“Huh. But Jimmy said—”

“Jimmy doesn’t know everything.” He cracked his neck, irritation in his gaze. “Wish you hadn’t heard all that.”

I couldn’t truthfully say the same. Their conversation had been most enlightening.

“I couldn’t get interested in screwing anyone because I was worried about you and the baby,” he said. “Dealing with all this has been big, you know?”

“Yeah. Sex having consequences is kind of a bummer.” I smiled. “I guess I’ve been pretty sheltered, really. Anne always dealt with the serious stuff. But this time she can’t. It’s all on me.”

“And me.”

“Yes.” Time would tell.

“Anyway,” he said. “Just thought you’d find it funny.”

“That you were suffering from erectile dysfunction? Ben, there’s no way I’d find that funny.”

“It’s wasn’t erectile dysfunction, Liz,” he said with a wounded gaze. “Don’t say that.”

“Okay, okay. Sorry.”

“I was just numb. Lost my interest in sex for a while.”

“Right. Numb.”

“Anyway,” he said, still frowning. Male egos. So touchy. “Soon as I’m around you again, my dick decides to come out of hibernation. Thank f*ck. Was worried I’d have to wait till you’d had the baby to get it back.”

“Yeah. Phew.” I thought the information over for a while. Not necessarily good news—for me, at least. The other women of the world would probably benefit greatly by it, however. “Well, we did talk out some of our issues, so it’s entirely natural that you’d be feeling better about the situation, I suppose.”

He screwed up his face. “Sweetheart, I’m not talking about us being friends, though that’s nice and all. I’m talking about the fact that you turn me on. Have since the minute I met you. Physically, you get to me.”

“I do?”

“Yeah, you do. I’m just going to have to channel that interest elsewhere.”

My mouth worked, though nothing came out for a while. I got to him. God, if only he knew how much he still got to me. Hope was well out of my price range, however. I couldn’t afford to get physical with him. My emotions were far too involved, and clearly the man was only out for some fun. Without a doubt, I knew that now.

“Ben, are you sure this isn’t some mental block you were having,” I asked. “All the worry about the pregnancy and how it was going to affect things, as opposed to me physically?”

He raised a brow.

“Hey, I’ve seen some of those women out there,” I said. “They’re stunning. And if they’ve been hanging around you night after night, then it seems unlikely that me with my beginner’s baby bump and fat ankles suddenly lights up your life.”

His tongue played behind his cheek and he said nothing. There was definitely laughter in his eyes, however.

“I’m just trying to be rational,” I added.

“Problem is, rational doesn’t come into it.”

Hmm.

“Dicks don’t have brains. It’s why men get into trouble.”

The man had a point. Dicks obviously didn’t have emotions, either, the annoying things.

“The point I’m messing up here is, Liz, you’re right. I was jealous. I want you. I’m not going to act on that because shit’s complicated enough and we’re working on being friends here. It’s what’s best for the baby.”

“Right.” What he said was no less than the truth. Still, my vagina went into a deep depression. My heart wasn’t too happy about it, either.

“The business is hell on relationships—all the separations and everything. Couples don’t last. Seen it time and time again. I don’t want to put our kid through some messy split and neither do you.”