Deception (Infidelity #3)(105)

“I’d be consumed with work and she’d do something to piss me off. We’d fight and make up. But the thing was, I did notice her. I was just obsessed with Demetri Enterprises and proving that I was capable of continuing what Oren had begun.”

“What happened?” I asked, my head still on his chest.

“We didn’t have time for children. We both knew that. I insisted that she do something to prevent it from happening. She had one of those things, an IUD, inserted.”

“It didn’t work?”

I could feel his head shake. “It did and didn’t.”

“Jo had just figured it out. She hadn’t told anyone, even me. No one except Deloris.” He took a deep breath. “I didn’t know. If I’d known, I never…”

“Nox.”

“She left our apartment. Not here. I moved… after. Anyway, she went to Rye. It was mine—ours—since my mom was gone. Jocelyn wanted to surprise me. I was supposed to be there after work. I didn’t know,” he repeated. “She wanted us to be alone, make the announcement special. She made everyone leave the property, even Silvia.

“I continually told her to stay safe. She promised.”

Dread filled my body like a weight in the pit of my stomach as his words came thick, dripping with pain and regret.

“I ended up working late,” Nox went on, “like I always did. When I got to the house, the kitchen was bright, table was set, and on my plate was an envelope. Inside was a card with a date. At first I didn’t understand. Then I realized it was in the future, a little under eight months away. When I flipped it over it said, boy or girl?

“I should have been happy, but I wasn’t. I was livid. How could she do this? We’d talked about it. I’d said not yet. Part of me thought maybe this was just another cry for attention. My emotions were all over the place.”

My heart beat faster as his story came quicker.

“I screamed her name. Except for the kitchen and dining room, the house was dark. I kept yelling but she didn’t answer.”

His head bowed as emotion ripped through him. “God, Charli, there was so much blood.”

I sat up. “What happened? Did someone break in? Is that why you don’t go to Rye?”

“The light was on beside the bed. She was lying on her side with her knees drawn up. At first I thought she was sleeping, but then I noticed how pale she looked. Not pale, white. It was her lips. The color was wrong. I called her name again, screamed it, but she didn’t move. When I pulled back the blankets, there was blood, so much blood.”

Nox was on a roll. His eyes were open, but he wasn’t seeing me. He was seeing her.

“I couldn’t stop myself. I shook her. If I could just wake her….”

“She didn’t wake?”

“The coroner said she’d hemorrhaged. He called it an ectopic pregnancy. The IUD didn’t allow the egg to implant where it was supposed to, so it implanted in her fallopian tube. They estimated she was only about seven weeks along.”

“Nox, you didn’t kill her. You aren’t responsible.”

He threw back the covers and stood. His gorgeous nude body paced beside the bed. “Did you listen to what I said? I’ve never told this whole story—maybe ever.”

“I did listen. It was an accident. It wasn’t your fault.”

“She had the IUD because of me. She was pregnant because of me. If I’d gotten home when I said I would, I could have gotten her to the hospital in time. Fuck, Charli, there are so many ifs. It’s all on me. I should just pay her parents and be done with it. But I know she wouldn’t want that. She wouldn’t want them to have a dime because of her. I never told them exactly how she died.”

“Deloris knows?”

Nox nodded. “The media speculated all sorts of things. They said everything from my murdering her to a hit. Deloris was the only one thinking straight. She had the foresight to have everyone, from the EMTs to the coroner, sign a do-not-disclose statement. Records were sealed. I don’t know how she does what she does, but Deloris handled it all.”

He sat back on the edge of the bed with his back toward me.

I crawled close and draped my arms over his broad shoulders, burying my cheek against his back.

“The coroner said that it happens,” Nox said. His voice now filled with defeat. “He said she was probably having abdominal pain and that was why she’d lain down.” He reached up and rubbed my arm. “Charli, when you asked, I couldn’t tell you that I didn’t do it, because I did. I don’t lie. I won’t.” He tugged my hand, bringing my face in front of his. “I don’t want to let you go, but if now that you know the truth, you don’t want to be here, I won’t stop you.”

As I stared into his eyes, for the first time I truly understood his obsessions. I was looking not only at a man who loved with all of his heart, but a man who needed control and needed to keep those he cared about safe. I saw pain and guilt that he’d held onto for far too long. Swirling in his pale eyes I also saw fear, a weakness he didn’t want to admit.

It was the dread of losing his new chance at love, his new chance at life, something that up until recently he’d given up on ever feeling again. And that was the one answer I could give him. I couldn’t take away his pain or his loss, but I could offer to spend the rest of my life trying to fill that void.