Dead Drop (The Guild #2)(110)
With my back to him, it was easier to lie to myself. Easier to pretend like I wasn’t walking wounded for what I’d heard. “My best friend just died, Kai. How am I supposed to seem?” There was a sharp edge to my voice, and I didn’t fucking care.
“Danny,” he tried again, his voice a soothing rumble, “I didn’t mean… I know you’re grieving. You can talk to me, you know? About anything. I want to be here for you, no matter what. Never forget that I love you, ātaahua.”
A bitter laugh welled up in my chest. “Like you loved Charlotte?” I wet my lips, bracing myself against all the poison swirling through my head. “You killed her because you thought she was Guild, and guess what? You were right. She played you, just like I did. The only difference is that I’m still alive.”
Kai’s lips parted, but he seemed at a loss for what to say back to that. Probably because he knew I was right. Fuck, I could have told him that just looking into her cover story didn’t mean shit. Guild mercs, especially honey traps, covered all their bases. If he’d killed me, he still wouldn’t have uncovered my real identity, everything would point to my fake identity being killed.
“Siren,” he said with a pained sigh, putting his gun down on the counter to reach for me, “Danny… please, just let me hug you?”
I wrinkled my nose, stepping back. “No, thanks. I don’t need comfort or head pats. People die, it’s just a part of life. Move on.”
Kai flinched like I’d slapped him, and Leon sauntered into the kitchen with his face like a pissed off honey badger. He paused when he looked between Kai and me, though, and one brow twitched up with curiosity.
“What’s going on?” he asked, his tone sly and calculating. No doubt he was already assessing where he could drive another wedge between me and Kai. Not that he needed to try, that was happening all on its own.
I cleared my throat, pushing aside all the affection I felt toward them both. All the love, goddamn it to hell. I shoved all that weakness aside and focused instead on the hurt, on the bitterness of betrayal, knowing that both of them were just using me.
It was all too much. First the Guild trying to have me killed, sending executioners after me and ripping away my entire sense of identity. My whole life had been torn away because of Emmanuel Blanchet and I still didn’t really know why.
Then they killed Jude… my best friend, my rock. She was dead because of me, I was certain of it. And now Carlos wanted nothing more to do with me, stripping away a friendship I never thought I’d lose.
Hearing these two talking shit behind my back made me feel like the worst kind of idiot for not seeing our relationships for what they really were. Shallow and fake. They both spouted such pretty lies to me in private, making me believe they loved me when all along they just wanted to win. By whatever means possible, regardless of how that might make me feel.
We couldn’t continue like this. Not for another day, not for another goddamn minute.
“Let me ask you two something, in all seriousness,” I said, steeling my spine and folding my arms. “What are we doing? The three of us, I mean. Putting aside this bullshit with the Circle trying to kill me—which, I might point out, only impacts me and neither of you. But put that all aside. What are we doing?”
They both just stared at me. Clueless. Or maybe they just lacked the balls to front up with how they really felt.
“Alright, let me make this easier,” I suggested, scorn dripping from my words. “Assume no one is trying to kill me. What are we doing next? Are the three of us living happily in a cohabitation scenario?”
Leon’s lip curled with disgust, and Kai’s eyes narrowed in anger.
“That’s what I thought,” I snapped, taking in their nonverbal responses. “So I’ll fucking repeat myself. What the fuck are we doing?”
Kai was usually the first one to dive headfirst into my verbal traps, but this time it was Leon who spoke up.
“I can’t speak for him, but I know what I’m doing. I’m biding my time and waiting for you to realize how deeply in love with me you already are, mon cœur. Like I am with you. And when you finally admit it to yourself, you’ll see how shallow and insignificant your bond with Kai is… and let me kill him.”
A shudder ran down my spine at his complete and utter certainty. He was right about part of it… I was in love with him. But he was dead wrong about my relationship with Kai, and that was the problem.
I wet my lips and shifted my gaze to Kai. “And you? Are you also just waiting it out? Hoping that Leon fucks up in some monumental way and you can be rid of him?”
Kai tipped his chin up, stubbornly refusing to be shamed for his hatred of Leon. Shit. “He doesn’t love you like I do, kaikohuru iti, he’s not physically capable. So, no, I don’t see this as a long-term arrangement, if that’s what you’re asking. I figure sooner or later, you’re going to make a choice, and I’m doing everything possible to make sure it’s the right choice.”
A harsh laugh escaped me, and I gave a small headshake. “The right choice,” I repeated under my breath. “So you want me to pick? Both of you are waiting for me to pick one and what? Kill the other? Is that how this goes?” Because I couldn’t see any scenario where we would part ways amicably. The only thing stopping Kai and Leon from killing one another was my lack of choice.