Craving The Player (Amateurs In Love Book 1)(81)

“Then don’t be ridiculous. Men don’t know what they want half the time. Not until they grow up and find the right person. How do you know that you aren’t Braden’s right person?”

“I don’t know.”

“It wouldn’t be easy, but at the risk of sounding incredibly cheesy right now, nothing worth the risk is ever easy.”

“That was cheesy,” I agree. “But also very wise.”

Lifting the wine bottle to my lips, I let her words marinate in my mind and the liquid slide down my throat. My immediate response is to tell her that she’s right, and promise to go see him. To make things right. But the fear of rejection is overwhelming. It looms over me like a rain cloud. I hate that I’ve been wasting my last few days in Vancouver locked inside my apartment packing things that I don’t even care to bring with me. I should be with Braden.

I want to be with him, but does he care for me enough to want to try and make this work, knowing how complicated it could be? We both deserve closure, though. How am I supposed to move away, not knowing if we were ever really, really over? That there might have been a chance but I was too stubborn to take it?

Shit. Why is loving somebody so damn hard?





BRADEN


“Holy fuck!” I spit through a clenched jaw. My stiff body slides into the ice-chunk-filled bathtub and I start shivering instantly. Squeezing my eyes shut, I let my ass smack the bottom before unclenching my legs and pressing my heels to the metal sides.

“Did you expect it to be warm?”

I peel my right eye open and watch Tyler snort his reply from the row of lockers in front of me. He rips his door open and grabs his bag, tossing it to a bench before sitting down beside it.

“Hurry up and go home.” I let my neck fall limp and my head sags forward, my eyes closing again.

“Someone’s exceptionally touchy today.”

“In case you haven’t noticed, I’m a little sore,” I grunt.

"That’s what happens when you get your ass beat for the second time in two days by someone out of your weight class. I told you not to fight that guy.”

The locker door slams shut and I clench my sore jaw. The last thing I want to hear right now is a fucking I told you so. Especially from my brother.

“Do you have anything useful to say or are you just going to continue to lecture me?”

“I’m not lecturing you. I just think there are better things that you can be doing with your time right now. Like trying to find a place to live in Toronto.”

My eyes pop open instantly before narrowing on his shrugging shoulders. “Not going to happen.”

“Was worth a shot,” he sighs, leaning back against the metal locker with crossed arms.

“Was it?” I grumble under my breath.

“It was. Not like it pulled your head out of your ass at all, though.”

“Like I said. You can leave anytime now.”

“You know that hurting yourself won’t make you feel any better or bring her back, right? There’s only one way to do that and you seem too stubborn to dump that damn pride of yours to do so.”

I lift my right arm out of the ice water and place my palm on the edge of the tub, gripping it so tightly the cuts on my knuckle begin to pool with blood again. “I don’t want her back. I was the one who ended things with her.”

I’m not sure if I’m more upset with myself or Tyler for bringing her up right now, but in all honesty, it doesn’t matter. I was thinking about her long before he brought her up. Like I have been every fucking day since I’ve last seen her. It’s been three days since I’ve touched her, kissed her, felt her body against mine. I haven’t heard her laughter, or felt the lurch in my chest that comes along with each smile she gifts me. I’m pissed off at the world, just like I was when I was an angsty teen. It’s ridiculous.

“Yeah, because you’re an absolute idiot,” he says and moves towards me. “It runs in the family, don’t feel too embarrassed. It takes a lot of missed shots and sleepless nights alone, but it is possible to learn how women work.”

I roll my eyes. “It took Dad a divorce to learn how.”

“Your parents didn’t get divorced just because Dad didn’t know how to treat your mother, Braden. You know that.” He flashes me a pointed look. “Plus, just because Dad divorced, doesn’t mean we’re all doomed to the same fate. I’ve never been divorced, nor do I ever plan on it. You just have to realize what you have to lose and whether or not you’re really willing to lose it. It took me far too long to come to that realization, brother.”

“You and I are very different, Tyler Bateman.”

“So what?” he asks stiffly, aggressively, like he doesn’t like me calling him by his mother’s surname. I did it to put some distance between us, feeling too exposed under his expert stare. We’ve known each other too long for him not to be able to see right through me, but it still pisses me off.

“So, one of us is meant for a real relationship while the other is not. You, my dear brother, are the one that was destined to be a husband and father. You believe in the happily ever after bullshit. I don’t. I don’t want to have someone rely on me that heavily. I don’t want that sort of pressure.” I don’t know if I would be able to stand beneath the weight of it.