Crash Into Me(55)

"Oh, sweetie. I'm sure he's not ashamed of you. Look at you. You're beautiful and smart and he's crazy about you."

Sniffling back the first of my tears, I sobbed, "He's not crazy about me. I'll bet anything he's at whatever affair he had to go to with one of those women he takes to things like that. Tomorrow he'll be in the paper standing next to some gorgeous, rail thin supermodel."

"Honey, don't cry. I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation why he doesn't take you to these things. Maybe they're boring and he doesn't want you to think he's boring."

"Jordan, I saw the picture in the paper. Did those people look like they thought that party was boring?"

She was silent for a few moments and then said, "He didn't look like he was having a good time. I remember you saying he didn't look like that with you. Oh, Nina, don't cry. It's going to be okay."

"How? How is it going to be okay? I'm contractually obligated to be around him for the next six months and even though we're sleeping together and he treats me like his girlfriend in private, he never takes me to places where other people like him will be. How is it okay that I'm basically some concubine?"

Jordan said nothing as I sobbed into the phone. What could she say? I was crying over something I couldn't have and she couldn't give it to me or help me get it.

"I feel so stupid, Jordan. I know it's only been a short time, but I can't help the way I feel. Why is this happening to me?"

Quietly, she said what I already knew. "Because you're trusting and good, Nina, and you think other people are the same. It's that small town upbringing in you."

"So I'm destined to be a fool for the rest of my life."

"Honey, I don't think you're foolish for caring for someone. And I'm not sure he doesn't care for you either. I don't know why he doesn't take you around those upper crusts he hangs out with, but I want to give him the benefit of the doubt. Not every guy makes a point to find a girl's best friend and ask her about your favorite foods. I bet he picked one of those and had that for you that first night, didn't he?"

I wiped my tears and hung my head. "He had all of them made for me," I admitted.

"See? I know it hurts now, but give him time. Maybe there's something you don't know about and he's not trying to be hurtful or cruel."

"Some best friend you are. I think you're supposed to tell me to dump his ass and that I can do better," I joked.

"You want that? I'm on it. You know I think you're one of the best people I've ever known, so if this is something you can't handle, you need to end this thing now."

That was easier said than done. "I have a contract, Jordan. I can't end it."

"You have a contract to work for him. That's it. If you don't want to be anything more than an employee, then I say you stick to your guns and be just that. An employee."

Jordan always knew what to say to make me feel better. Sitting up straight, I took a deep breath in. I could do that. There was nothing in the contract that said I had to sleep with him. Well, at least I hoped there wasn't.

"I could do that, couldn't I?"

"You could. But be careful, Nina. You may just get what you wish for and there will be nothing between you and Tristan but work. Is that what you really want?"




That feeling of something heavy pressing on my chest came back with a vengeance at the thought of Tristan being nothing but my boss. I didn't want that, really, but I didn't want to feel like I was something to be ashamed of anymore either.