Crash Into Me(54)

My disappointment kept me silent for a few seconds and then I mumbled, "Hey, it's me. Nina. I'd say call me back, but I don't know the number and I don't even know if I should be using this phone. I'm still out at Tristan's house and just wanted to talk to someone. I hope everything's okay."

I put the phone down and slumped on the floor, pressing my back up against the wood slat wall. Sadness settled into me as I replayed the conversation Tristan and I had, and I wanted to cry but there weren't any tears. All I felt was a heaviness in my chest, like someone was pressing down on me trying to crush me.

What was I to him? That was what was crushing me. He treated me like a girlfriend, yet I was never to be seen. But I was his employee too, a fact that he seemed to impress upon me always at times when it hurt the most. I existed in some limbo between being someone he was willing to show off to the world and someone who was merely there to do his bidding.

As I sat there with the hard wall pushing against my back and my hurt feelings pressing down on my heart, a sense of regret slowly spread over me. I'd been such a fool! No matter what Jordan believed, good things didn't always happen to good people. That was even assuming I was good. I'd accepted Tristan's offer hoping for more than a job, but that's all the contract had promised. What did that make me? He'd never promised anything in that contract other than all that he'd already given me. I was being paid to do a job. The hope of something more was never part of the deal.

But hadn't he promised in every kiss and every time he'd made love to me that something more was what he wanted too?

Never before had a man tangled my emotions in such knots. When he touched me with those hands so strong yet so tender, he made me feel like I was the most important thing in the world to him. When he was inside me, moaning my name as he clung to me and his body shook from the feelings I created in him, his every word and movement said he cared.

Fuck! How had I let this happen to me? I wasn't some pathetic little schoolgirl who had no idea how things worked. I knew how men were and what they wanted. I may not be supermodel gorgeous, but I'd been with other men and knew the ways of the world. How had I fallen so quickly for Tristan and not seen what was really happening?

The problem was I didn't know what was really happening. To me, not showing me off as his girlfriend was a huge sign he didn't care, but in every other part of our relationship it was clear he felt something for me. What that was I didn't know, but I wasn't sure what I felt either, so I couldn't fault him for that. We'd moved fast since the beginning, so being unsure was fine.

Being ashamed of being seen with me at his parties and events wasn't fine.

The phone ringing jolted me out of my thoughts, and I scrambled to answer it before anyone heard the noise downstairs. Pressing the heavy receiver to my ear, I whispered, "Hello?" and held my breath as the line stayed silent.

"Hello? Is anyone there?"

"Nina? Are you okay? It's Jordan."

I sighed my relief and my heart began its normal beating again. "Jordan, how did you get this number?"

"It came up on my phone. Are you okay? You sounded like something was wrong on the message. What's going on out there?"

"I don't know. I think I made a mistake."

"Why? Did something happen?" she asked, her voice full of concern.

"For the second time since I've been here, he's gone off to some event he needed to wear a tux to and didn't invite me to go. I don't know what I'm doing here or why he's ashamed to be seen with me."