Cowgirls Don't Cry(92)

“I suppose you’ve got a better explanation, Mr. D-minus in psychology?” Tell shot back.

“I sure do.”


Brandt tuned them out as they bickered. He tuned them out so completely it took, “Whoa, Brandt, you’re gonna miss the turn,” to get his focus back.

At least fifteen pickups were parked at Cord and AJ’s house. Staring at Cord’s big house, Brandt had that same wistful feeling he’d felt at Ben’s. Not wanting a fancy place to hang his hat, but a home, his own home. His trailer wasn’t much more than a place to crash every night.

His brothers were quiet and Brandt wondered if they were thinking the same thing. Landon yelled,

“Up!” and drummed his feet into his carseat.

“We hear ya. I’ll get him since I’m already back here,” Tell said.

After he got out of his truck, Brandt was surprised to see his mother walking toward him. Did that mean his dad had decided to show up at the annual McKay post-Thanksgiving get together? “I didn’t think you guys were comin’ today.”


“Your dad isn’t. I left him at home.” His mother’s eyes darted to where Dalton and Tell were unloading Landon. But she didn’t go over to offer them help.

“You okay?” She actually seemed nervous, which was crazy because she’d been coming to McKay family events for four decades.

Her pale blue eyes shifted to him. Her dark hair, once streaked with silver, was now all silver. Again, it struck him how much she’d aged since Luke’s death. Her smiles were rare these days, too, so when she laughed, Brandt didn’t know how to react.

“Honestly? I’m nervous, even when I know that’s just plain stupid. It’s strange showing up at a McKay family party without your father, but ain’t no one gonna be cryin’ in their beer Casper ain’t here.

Especially not his brothers.”


“Which puts you in an awkward position.”


“Yeah, but it’s not the first time nor will it be the last. Kimi and Carolyn and Vi have always treated me well, even when they can’t stand Casper.” She turned and looked at the house. “Hard to believe how long your father and I have been married. But when his brothers and their wives all started havin’ babies…


I’d come to these things and cry for days afterward because I wanted what they had.”


He knew his mother wasn’t only speaking about kids.

“Then my boys came,” she absentmindedly reached out and stroked Brandt’s coat sleeve, “and I fit in.

I could join in the discussions about toilet training, frogs in the bathtub, and the ranching responsibilities you’d all have to live up to as you grew into men.

“Then in recent years it’s been about grandbabies and I’ve had that feeling of envy all over again. Oh, I know you boys are younger than your McKay cousins and weren’t nowhere near ready to settle down, but I’d hoped Luke and Jessie might…but that never happened. And now we’ve got Landon…”


Feeling helpless, Brandt grabbed her hand because it was so unlike her to babble.

“After Luke died, I didn’t care about anything. Especially not about them and their perfect kids and darling little grandkids and how they didn’t have to deal with the unending pain of losing a child. I became bitter. As bitter as your father. I shut down and your dad got meaner yet. I ain’t gonna make excuses for him, but I will apologize for myself. I haven’t been much of a mother to you boys since we lost Luke, and I should’ve tried harder. I should’ve pulled you boys closer, not pushed away from all of you when we needed each other more than ever—”