Cowgirls Don't Cry(87)

Her mom hadn’t spoken of Billy’s infidelities, but Jessie knew it’d been another reason she’d ended the marriage. Before she could answer, her mother laughed.

“See, I say that, but I probably would’ve done the exact same thing you did, Jessie.”


“What? Caved in?”


“No.” She leaned back in her chair. “In some ways hearing about Landon’s mother reminded me…well, kinda like déjà vu.”


“How so?”


“One day when you were about sixteen months, I was at my wit’s end, with you, with my job, and this neighbor lady volunteered to take care of you for a couple of hours while I got control. At first I thought it was weird, but she told me someone helped her out when she was a young mother and she was just returning the favor. Her kindness over the next few months really changed a lot for me. For us.”


Jessie was floored. “How come I never knew any of this?”


“Honestly? Because I’d forgotten about it. So many other things happened over the years. It came back to me when you said you were helping out with Luke’s kid. So no, you’re not a doormat, Jessie. No matter what Luke led you to believe.”


She killed her beer. “Luke and I were headed for a divorce anyway.”


“I know.”


“I loved him. I’da done anything, let him get away with anything, been anyone he wanted me to be, just to keep him.”


“I know that too, sweetie.”


She held her fingers to her eyes to stem the tears. “God, Mom. I’ve had time to think, a lot, too much time probably, but one of the hardest parts of losing Luke was figuring out I’d lost myself too. I let him define me. And when he wasn’t around to tell me who to be, I didn’t know who the hell I was.”


Silence fell and Jessie welcomed it.

Her mother cleared her throat. “And what about Brandt McKay? Are you letting him define you?”


Jessie shook her head. “Which might seem at odds with agreeing to help him take care of Landon. I’m not doing it for Brandt. I’m not even doing it for Luke. I’m doing it for that little boy, no matter if Landon ever knows it, no matter how hard it is. He needs me. I’ve already got a lot of regrets where Luke is concerned and I won’t let ignoring this helpless kid be another one.”


“Will you be able to let Landon go when the time comes?”


I don’t know.

The door in the living room opened and Lexie started barking. Jessie grabbed her collar and issued a terse, “Stay.”


“Lisa?”


“In the kitchen with Jessie, Roger.”


Roger came through the door in stocking feet. Before he acknowledged Jessie, he gave her mother a kiss on the lips. More than a peck, less than dueling tongues, but a kiss filled with warmth and affection.

“Hey, you.” Her mom smiled up at him, happiness shining in her smile and her eyes. Jessie fought those stupid tears again because if anyone deserved a man who adored her, it was her mother.

Roger kissed her one more time. “Hey yourself.” Then he remembered Jessie was in the room. He adjusted his glasses. “Jessie. Nice to see you. I hope the roads were all right?”


“They were fine.”


Roger crouched down to pet Lexie, giving Jessie an opportunity to study him. He definitely looked like an accounting teacher with his white button up shirt, plaid cardigan, and khaki pants. Beneath his thick glasses were kind brown eyes, which were another indication of his gentle demeanor.