Cowgirls Don't Cry(43)

“Something on your mind?”


She couldn’t un-stick her tongue from the roof of her mouth.

“Jess? You know you can tell me anything,” Brandt said.

Yeah, just spit it out. You turned him down once. What’s to say he won’t do the same to you…just to even the score?

She closed her eyes, trying to slam the door on the self-sabotaging portion of her brain. “This…the way we’ve got this set up isn’t working for me any longer.”


He exhaled a frustrated burst of air. “Okay. What’s the problem?”


“I’m tired—”


“We both are. That said, I can probably pick Landon up earlier and take him back here until after you get off work so it’s not—”


“This isn’t about Landon. It’s about…us.”


“Us?” he repeated.

“Yes, us. Living in the same space. Sharing everything.”


Another one of his thoughtful pauses. “I’ve tried to keep to myself and not cause you extra stress.”


Jessie whirled to face him. “That’s what’s not working, Brandt. I am stressed and it’s because you’re everywhere. In every part of my life. In every part of my house. We eat together. We do chores together.

We take care of Landon together. We watch TV together. You’re the first person I see when I get up in the morning and you’re the last person I see before I go to bed at night. We’re acting like a married couple.”


The muscles in his jaw rippled and he gritted out, “And that bothers you?”


“Yes, dammit, because we’re doing all the hard day-to-day couple stuff without the benefit of the good couple stuff.”


“Such as?”


“We’re not sleeping together. And if we’re gonna act like a married couple then I want you naked in my bed every night.”


Brandt’s mouth dropped open so fast Jessie swore she heard his jawbone crack. Then his eyes tapered to fine points and his entire posture changed. “Since when?”


“You want an exact moment? How about last night when you gave me a backrub? I wanted you to stay with me all night and rub more than just my back. I know you’re probably thinking I’m crazy since I freaked out last year when you told me you wanted more than friendship.”


“What’s changed?”


“Honestly? Me.” Jessie briefly closed her eyes. “I’m not as emotionally raw as I was even four months ago. I’ve also realized I don’t want to spend my life unwilling to take a chance because I’m scared.”


“I scare you?”


“Yes.”


Embarrassment flickered on his face.

“You don’t scare me physically. There’s an intensity to you that is intimidating as hell. There are no half measures in your world, Brandt. It’s all or nothing. Being with a man like you would be unlike anything I’ve ever experienced.”


That muscle in his jaw continued to jump in an agitated manner. “How do you know that?”


Now that she was floundering, she realized getting naked in body was a helluva lot easier than stripping herself emotionally bare in front of him.

“Jessie. Answer me.”


“I figured it out last summer when you warned me about Mike, but you didn’t pull that highhanded McKay attitude and drag me out of there. Even though that situation ended in my humiliation, the way you forced me to accept the consequences of my rash decision proved you weren’t the gentleman I thought you were. But you didn’t leave. I know you wanted to finish what Mike couldn’t. But I was too—”