Cowboy Casanova (Rough Riders #12)(163)

“And do what?” She froze when he continued staring at her with that Dom look. “I can

’t ever…be that.”


Ben frowned. “Be what?”


“A lifestyle submissive. Like Layla. With the collar, the full subservience and the

discipline whippings.”


“For Christsake!” he bellowed. “That’s what you think I want from you?”


He never bellowed and Ainsley shrank back.


“God, Ainsley, do you really think I’m some kind of controlling monster? That I

purposely set out to f*ck up your professional life so I could force you into a

lifestyle that you’re not suited for, for my own selfish purposes?”


When he put it like that, she felt petty. Bitchy. Ben knew all her vulnerabilities. And

he’d never used them against her. Not once.


But you’ve used his against him. You’re about to use them now.


“No. But this circumstance has driven home the point I didn’t know what I was getting

into with this Dom/sub thing.”


“And now?”


“Now I know I was na?ve. Stupidly hopeful. Nothing but a tourist.”


“What are you saying?” Ben demanded.


Ainsley didn’t want to give him false hope. Confess what the last few weeks had meant

to her. Confess what he meant to her. She had to take a hard stance and make a clean

break, no matter if it would break her. “I knew exactly what you were when I met you,

Bennett. A Dom. My job crisis changes nothing for you. You’re still a Dom. You still

need the club. The friendships you’ve made and acceptance you’ve gotten at the

Rawhide are important to you. I’d never ask you to give that up.”


Realization dawned in his eyes. His jaw went rigid. “But it’s changed everything for

you. You can’t be a part of it. At all.”


“No. Even if by some miracle this loan fiasco blows over, I can’t be in a

relationship, even casually, with a man who frequents a sex club. Banking is a

conservative industry and women have an even harder row to hoe than men.”


“That sounds like an excuse.”


“An excuse? Right. Because no one has ever lost their job due to a sex scandal,” she

snapped.


That shut him down for a minute or so. “It doesn’t have to be this way.”


“Yes, it does.” Ainsley briefly squeezed her eyes shut against the tears and the

pain. “I don’t want to change you. But you need to understand I can’t do this.”


When she looked into his wounded blue eyes, her heart went into free fall.


“So this is it? You’re cutting me loose? Because of what I am?”


“You’re taking this the wrong way, Ben, it’s not—”


“Just stop. Please. Stop justifying it. This…f*ck…it’s…” His voice caught. “I

can’t…”


With an economy of movement, Ben slipped on the black duster. He grabbed his hat off

the sofa table.


He didn’t look broken-hearted when he walked out. He just looked broken.


Thursday was the longest day in the history of the world.


She’d put a couple of contingency plans in place on the off chance it’d work in her