Conviction (Consolation Duet #2)(17)

“I remember. I came out and you were gone. You left when I was in the middle of pure torture.” I look at him recalling that night.

It was the last failed procedure, and I was distraught. I thought that baby was the one. I was ten weeks, we were so close to the safe zone. I started cramping and then I saw blood. I sat there trying to convince myself that it wasn’t really blood. That it wasn’t a sign that we were going to lose the baby, because I was so close. The pain was unlike anything I’d ever felt. I would cry and clutch my stomach as the life I’d been desperate for left me.

I told myself that if the pregnancy didn’t stick, I would stop trying. I needed to move forward and stop hoping for something I wasn’t meant to have. We’d spent so much money and energy. I was consumed by everything regarding fertility.

Aaron’s hands hold my face. “I couldn’t watch. I felt like I failed you as a husband. I couldn’t watch you like that. I went to the bar, got drunk, and I f*cked up.”

Turmoil boils in my body as I try to figure out if he’s lying. None of this makes sense. “Brittany said it was months. She said . . .”

“She lied,” Aaron says, so sure.

“Why would she lie? What does she have to gain? We all thought you were dead. So it makes no sense for her to be vicious and mean to me. But you lying right now would make sense,” I say, feeling angry that I don’t know what the damn truth is.

There’s so much between us, so much history, and throwing it all away isn’t something I take lightly, but I think about Liam. How far we came. How much we loved. And how hard it would be to lose him. I’ve already lost Aaron once, I know I can endure it. Besides, this man in front of me isn’t the same man I loved. I look at him now and see betrayal and deceit.

“Why would I lie to you, Lee? I always told you the truth!” he exclaims and turns his back.

“You didn’t lie? You think for one second even if it was only one night with her, that’s okay? Do you not see how disgusting that makes you? On the night we lose a child, you sleep with someone else. The night I had to crawl into bed on my hands and knees because the cramping was so bad, you were f*cking someone. While I was in horrific pain, you were enjoying the night of your life?” I spit the words, hoping he feels the knives embedded in them. I hope they tear into his heart and shred him to pieces. “Some man you are. Some love and honesty we have.”

Aaron stands behind me unmoving. I feel the heat radiating from his body. But he doesn’t touch me, and if he’d like to keep his hands, he won’t try to.

“I never told you because it meant nothing. She means nothing and neither does the affair.”

I spin on my heels and slap him in the chest. “Fuck you. It meant everything to me! You meant everything to me! I hate you right now. You stand here smug as if I’m doing you wrong. You were a coward.”

“I deserve that.” He steps closer, but whatever emotion is showing on my face causes him to retreat.

“You don’t deserve me.” I step closer. “No matter what your relationship was with her—which I don’t believe for one second it was a one-time deal.” Another step.

“What does it matter? I’m here right now trying to fix things.”


“You then came home that day saying you slept at work. Two months later, we found out I was pregnant with Aarabelle.” Aaron takes two steps back as I vibrate with anger. “So you did whatever the hell you did and came home and then made a baby with me.”

He looks away. “You’re not going to listen to me at this point. Apparently, what I’ve been through doesn’t matter. You’re no better than me, Lee.”

“Unreal,” I huff. “You went through hell over there. I hate that you were hurt. I hate that you ever had to endure one ounce of pain,” tears stream down my face. He’s been through so much. We both have. Now we have to hurt even more. “But it doesn’t erase our past. There are no free passes because you’re holding up the argument that what I did is the same. Me moving on and finding love again doesn’t equate to cheating. I can tell you don’t want to tell me everything. I see it in your eyes that there’s more.”

Aaron steps closer and grips my shoulders. “Damn right there’s more. But it’s in the past. She’s in the past. I went through more hell than you can fathom. I didn’t think I’d ever see you again. You. Not her. You!”

Confusion sweeps over me as I soak in what he says, conflicting emotions rioting within me. I have no doubt he went through a lot. I also don’t doubt him when he says that it is me he loves. That’s the part that kills me. But it’s not enough.

“I know you love me. And if I’m being honest, I love you. I will always love you. You were the first man I ever loved. But you’re not the only one anymore,” I reply somberly. “I let Liam into my heart, and he and I share something special. I never meant for this to happen. I had no reason to expect you were alive. But things failed way before then, Aaron. Were you happy? Because I wasn’t.” I let out a deep breath. “We have to let each other go.”

“So because of what I suffered, I get to pay even more? How is that fair? You even said yourself you love me.”

I shrug out of his hold and walk toward the end of the deck. “I don’t want to make you suffer. No matter what you think, this isn’t easy for me. And there’s no ‘fair’ here. I would never intentionally hurt you.”