Conversations with Friends(35)

No, I just think you and Melissa fighting might be more than I could handle today.

I put my hands down into the pockets of my skirt while he loaded various black-wrapped packages of coffee into the trolley.

At least we know whose side you’d be on, I said.

He looked up, with a bag of Ethiopian coffee in his left hand and a faintly humorous expression.

Who? he said. The one who isn’t interested in me any more, or the one who’s just using me for sex?

I felt my whole face wash over in a forceful blush. Nick put the bag of coffee down, but before he could say anything I had already walked away. I walked all the way to the deli counter and the tank of live crustaceans at the back of the supermarket. The crustaceans looked ancient, like mythological ruins. They batted their claws uselessly against the glass sides of the tank and stared at me with accusatory eyes. I held the cold side of my hand against my face and glared back at them malevolently.

Evelyn came back along the deli, holding a large box of thin bluish plastic with a strawberry tart inside.

Don’t tell me lobsters are on the list, she said.

Not that I know of, no.

She looked at me and gave me another encouraging smile. Encouragement seemed to be Evelyn’s primary mode of relating to me for some reason.

Everyone’s just a little highly strung today, she said.

We saw Nick exiting another aisle with the trolley, but he turned without seeing us. He had Melissa’s handwritten list in his right hand and he was directing the trolley with his left.

There was a bit of an incident last year, she said. With Valerie.

Oh.

We walked after Nick’s trolley together while I waited for her to elaborate, but she didn’t. The supermarket had an in-house florist near the tills, with fresh potted plants and buckets of cut carnations and chrysanthemums. Nick chose two bouquets of pink roses and one mixed bouquet. The roses had huge, sensuous petals and tight, unrevealing centres, like some kind of sexual nightmare. I didn’t look at him as he handed me the bouquets. I carried them to the checkout in silence.

We left the supermarket together, not saying a great deal. Rain beaded our skin and hair and parked cars looked like dead insects. Evelyn started to tell a story about a time she and Derek had brought their car on the ferry and punctured a tyre on the way over to étables and Nick had had to come in his car to change the tyre for them. I gathered that the story was intended, obliquely and perhaps not even consciously, to cheer Nick up by recalling nice things he had done in the past. I’ve never been so happy to see you in my life, Evelyn said. You could have changed that tyre yourself, said Nick. If you weren’t married to an autocrat.

When we parked up back at the house, Bobbi ran outside with the dog at her ankles. It was still foggy, though nearly noon by then. Bobbi was wearing linen shorts, and her legs looked long and tanned. The dog yelped twice. Let me help with the things, Bobbi said. Nick handed her a bag of groceries obligingly and she looked at him as if trying to communicate something.

Everything all right while we were gone? he said.

Tensions have been running high, said Bobbi.

Oh God, Nick said.

He handed her another bag, which she carried up against her stomach. He took the remaining groceries in his arms while Evelyn and I walked inside carefully, carrying the flowers and dessert like two sombre Edwardian servant women.

Melissa was in the kitchen, which looked empty without the chairs and table. Bobbi went upstairs to finish sweeping Valerie’s bedroom. Nick put the shopping bags on the windowsill wordlessly and started to put away the groceries, while Evelyn placed the dessert box on top of the fridge. I wasn’t sure what to do with the flowers, so I just kept holding them. They smelled fresh and suspicious. Melissa wiped her lips with the back of her hand and said: oh, you’ve decided to come back after all.

We weren’t gone that long, were we? Nick said.

Apparently it’s going to rain, said Melissa, so we’ve had to move the table and chairs into the front dining room. It looks terrible, the chairs don’t even match.

They’re Valerie’s chairs, he said. I’m sure she knows whether they match or not.

It didn’t seem to me that Nick was making the best possible effort at assuaging Melissa’s temper. I stood there gripping the flowers and waiting to say something like: did you want me to leave these somewhere? But the words didn’t arrive. Evelyn was now helping Nick to unpack the groceries, while Melissa was inspecting the fruit we had purchased.

And you remembered lemons, didn’t you? said Melissa.

No, Nick said. Were they on the list?

Melissa dropped her hand from the nectarines and then lifted it to her forehead, as if she were about to faint.

I don’t believe this, she said. I told you as you were going out the door, I specifically said don’t forget lemons.

Well, I didn’t hear you, he said.

There was a pause. I realised that the soft pad of skin at the base of my thumb was held against a thorn and beginning to turn purple. I tried to rearrange the flowers so that they weren’t injuring me but without calling attention to my continued presence in the room.

I’ll go get some in the corner shop, Nick said eventually. It’s not the end of the world.

I don’t believe this, said Melissa again.

Should I leave these somewhere? I said. I mean, can I put them in a vase, or?

Everyone in the room turned to look at me. Melissa took one bouquet out of my arms and looked into it. These stems need to be cut, she said.