Consolation (Consolation Duet #1)(65)

I disconnect the call and think about what she said. Her ex did a real number on her. At least I never had to walk in on Aaron and Brittany, but at least Catherine wasn’t married and having a baby. It sucks no matter which way you slice it. Infidelity takes a part of your heart and tarnishes it forever. I can polish it up, but it’ll always have a dull spot.

Liam and Aarabelle head back and I appreciate the way he moves. Even the way he walks is lithe. The muscles in his arms enlarge as he lifts the baby. I stand up and head over to them.

“Dadada,” Aarabelle babbles and rubs her eyes.

Liam and I glance at each other and then down to Aara. She gazes at the house and I wonder if she is just making noises or if she seriously called him some form of Daddy. It would make sense. He’s the only man in her life. Neither of us speak as I wait to see if she says it again.

“Did she?” I question aloud.

“We probably misunderstood.”

I nod and blow it off. She might have said something else and we are being silly. We both stay silent for a few beats and watch her as if she’ll say something again. After a few minutes, Liam reaches for my hand and laces his fingers with mine.

The sun warms my face and I close my eyes.

“You should really be wearing something else,” Liam chastises, breaking me from my peaceful moment.

“What’s wrong with my bathing suit?” I ask looking down.

I know it’s not the body I had before kids, but I don’t think I’m fat. I have on a deep burgundy strapless bikini. It hugs my new curves but hides the tiny pooch I’ll never get rid of.

“Nothing’s wrong. I’m just having a hard time not wanting to carry you over my shoulder and bury myself inside of you again,” Liam says and I literally shudder.

My stomach tightens and I need a minute to think again. That was definitely not what I was expecting to hear.

“Okay,” I manage to say. “What time are we leaving tomorrow?”

“I need to get some stuff ready before I leave, so probably after breakfast. And after morning sex.”

“So sure I’m going to give it up, huh?” I play with him a little.

“I think I’ve proven myself.”

“I’m not so sure.”

He’s more than proven himself, but it’s not in my nature to let him gloat.

“I’d be careful. Aarabelle is yawning and I can think of something to do during her nap time.”

I look at the baby and wonder if it’s too early for her nap.

“I have some other things I really wanted to do, like catch up on my TV shows.

Maybe another time though.”

Liam lunges forward and practically knocks me out of my chair. “I’d start stretching, sweetheart.” He kisses the side of my neck and his warm breath causes goosebumps to form. “I’m going to make you come many, many times.”

I try to manage my breathing and appear in control. “I’m counting on that.”

He’s going to make me suffer, but in the absolute best way.

An hour later, we pack the few things we brought to the beach and head back toward the house. I feed Aarabelle and get her ready for her nap. She’s exhausted, and after her oh-so-healthy breakfast, getting her to eat lunch was not fun. Once everything’s cleaned up and I get her settled, I’m not sure what to do.

Do I go and look for him? I mean, he alluded to what we’d be doing. Then I feel awkward because I’m not sure if this is normal. I feel like a horny teenager worrying about having sex all over again. I’ve never had an adult relationship where you date.

“Trying to avoid me?” Liam says and I leap out of my skin.

“What is with all of you? Do they train every one of you to scare the shit out of people? Fucking hell.” I try to calm my heart, but it’s been almost a year since he died . . . it’s been a year.

It’s a year.

Today.

And I didn’t even realize it. It’s been one year today since Aaron died.

I look at Liam with tears building. I’m here on vacation with Liam—making love, having fun, and I didn’t realize it’s the anniversary of my husband’s death.

“I didn’t mean to scare you. Are you okay?” he asks concerned.

“Liam,” I say with my hand on his arm. “I don’t know . . . I mean . . . today is a year. Today makes one year since he died.” I look up with despair. I’m an awful person. I mean, I didn’t even know. I didn’t think about it or him. Yes, he hurt me, but still. Shouldn’t I be in Pennsylvania? I suddenly want to vomit.

Liam stands there and doesn’t say a word. Guilt for two men becomes too much for me. I’m standing here on vacation with my boyfriend crying over my dead husband. The day after we had sex for the first time. Oh my God. I’m going to lose it.

“I need a minute,” I say and rush down the stairs.

There are no answers here to ease my mind. Nothing is right and yet nothing is wrong. I made my peace with Aaron. I made my choice with Liam, but at this moment, my two worlds are colliding and nothing fits.

I burst through the door onto the beach and fall to my knees. I’m more upset that I forgot. I don’t know what the protocol on mourning is, but shouldn’t I have remembered?

I think about the note I found with the apology. Maybe he was sorry about the affair. Maybe he was sorry he married me and was unhappy. Even though I don’t think that. Sure, we had hard times—all marriages do—but we had a lot of happy. We had laughs, love, and we had a family. I take this time here on the beach to forgive him and forgive myself. If I go off his letter, he wanted me to be free and to love again. I want that too.