Consequences(218)

Anyone can give up. It’s the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that’s true strength.



—Unknown





Chapter Forty-Five


?


November fluctuates between autumn and winter. Technically, winter doesn’t begin until after the winter solstice, but as it approaches, the days dramatically decrease in length and the darkness increases. Some days in November include brilliant blue skies and crisp, intense sunshine. The contrast and fluctuations in weather and life created the unpredictable pressures defining Claire’s existence. She stressed when Tony was good because she knew it may not last. She worried when he was bad because she knew how bad he could be.

During a private girls’ lunch, Courtney approached the subject again. Since the completion of the silent auction, the frequency of their lunch dates had decreased. Claire desperately missed them. Therefore, following Simon’s memorial, she was elated to receive another invitation accompanied by Tony’s eagerness for her to accept. He said, “I think you need some fun.” She couldn’t have agreed more.

The two ladies spent the afternoon in Bettendorf eating, shopping, walking, and talking. Courtney knew about Simon. She knew an old friend of Claire’s had approached her at one of Tony’s speaking events and that Tony wasn’t pleased. She didn’t know the entire story. She also knew about Simon’s sudden death and Tony’s remarkable support.

Courtney made Claire laugh—and in Claire’s precarious state of mental health—that was monumental. Courtney talked about the impending holidays. She expectantly waited for her children to return home from their points of interest and settle in for holiday celebrations. Claire liked the Simmons children—who weren’t really children. They were in their twenties—one still in graduate school—the other beginning a career as an investment banker in St. Louis. Neither was married, but their son Caleb had a steady girlfriend. Courtney liked her and hoped Caleb would propose soon. She and Brent wanted to be grandparents. It seemed strange to Claire that she was only two years older than Caleb and yet, Courtney was her best friend.

Another exciting topic for Courtney was her impending trip. It seemed that Tony finally recognized Brent’s hard work and awarded him a substantial Christmas bonus. He told Brent before the holidays so Brent could plan a nice surprise for Courtney; however, Brent didn’t want to risk Courtney’s disapproval, so he included her in the planning from the beginning. They were to going to go to Fiji—a trip similar to Tony and Claire’s honeymoon. Refusing to miss Christmas with their children, Brent and Courtney weren’t leaving until after the first of the year. Courtney asked Claire a lot of questions about Fiji. Courtney’s excitement was contagious—Claire told Courtney everything she could remember—mostly the destination equaled paradise and don’t worry about packing too many clothes—they didn’t seem to stay on in paradise.

Courtney understood Claire’s privacy issues. Most of their confidential discussions occurred while walking or driving. Claire couldn’t risk someone overhearing. “Honey, I’m really worried about you. I know losing a friend is hard, but it just seems like you have been going down since before Simon’s death.”

Claire didn’t even try to act fine. “I just don’t know. I feel empty and tired all the time.”

“If there is anything I can do for you”—she squeezed Claire’s hand—“I’ll do it.”