Consequences(213)

Perspective is the most important thing to have in life.



—Lauren Graham





Chapter Forty-Four


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Claire once again had a voice in her e-mails—of course a voice was only one part of the equation. Presentation was also a crucial component. In preparation for her oration, she straightened her three stacks of papers. The first one was her Patricia respond pile—responses that didn’t require a personal touch—rarely was this pile even discussed. The second pile, the one she’d mentally labeled—Ask Tony—was the one which usually dominated their discussion. Often, those were her only two stacks—some days she didn’t feel there were any requests that warranted the stress of the second pile—and then other days—Claire felt the need to include a third category—Correspondence. Most often, this was her written response to someone’s correspondence, but on occasion—like today—it was an unsolicited outgoing e-mail. Sometimes her messages were sent as she wrote them—other times they made changes. It was all part of the intricate deliberation and negotiation.

Today’s unsolicited e-mail was to Emily and had been written and rewritten about six times. Pacing around the suite, Claire wondered if she worded it well and—and more importantly—if Tony would allow it to be sent.

John’s deadline had been November 1. Today was the November 4, and Claire still hadn’t heard from her sister. Claire was hopeful that the message she’d prepared could be sent; after all, Tony was the one who suggested she call Emily on the November 1. Of course, she jumped at the chance—but no one answered. When she didn’t get an answer on November 2 or 3, Claire couldn’t help worry.

With Claire’s revelation that her subconscious and conscious were sharing the same concerns, and her newfound time around the house, Claire continually practiced self-therapy sessions. She entertained the idea that her concern about John was in actuality a defense mechanism—a way for her to think about someone’s situation besides herself. Truly, she didn’t worry about herself—she was mostly concerned about the man she’d married. The loving persona was back in many ways—complimentary, caring, and compassionate. Control continued to be an issue. He expected obedience and submission—as long as she complied—no consequences occurred. She spent endless hours spinning that into a positive paradigm. If it were truly positive, would it require hours of spinning?

Having little else to do, she dressed for dinner and read a book while awaiting Tony’s arrival. As usual, he was expected home at 7:00 PM; however, unexpectedly he entered her suite about 5:30 PM. When she looked up from her book and smiled, Claire immediately recognized something amiss in his expression. Her heart raced as she wondered, what have I done?


He didn’t speak, put some papers on the sofa, and knelt before her. The papers reminded her of Meredith’s interview, but she could sense he wasn’t enraged—distressed would be a better assessment. “Tony, what is it?” As he lowered his head to her lap, Claire thought he appeared as shaken as she’d ever seen him. Lifting his face, she asked, “Seriously, Tony, you’re scaring me. What’s the matter?”

“I came home as soon as I saw the news release. I knew you’d want to know. You probably don’t believe me—but I am sorry.”

Claire looked into his eyes and saw sincerity. With trembling hands she reached for the papers. She had no idea what she was about to read, but it didn’t take a psychic to know it was bad—